Mostly Lauren Jauregui

I Miss You. I Miss You..

"You shouldn't keep doing this to yourself.." She mumbled pulling you closer to her chest and taking a wiff of your hair before relaxing. "But thanks.."

"Just shut up.." You whisper, close to tearing up. "Your welcome, Laur. Just go to sleep.."

She slips off to dream world soon enough and you're left to take in the smell of her clothes and her warmth.

Her thumb rubs against your spine in her absent-minded state, sending gentle and painful reminders that she still really cares about you.

She still loves you or she wouldn't keep showing up to your house in the middle of the night unannounced.
She just doesn't want to be with you anymore which is why she leaves every morning, also unannounced.

It's okay that she wants to be happy and that she wants to see the world without being tied down, or at least you keep telling yourself that it's fine.
After four years of giving her absolutely everything she just didn't want it anymore and sure, fame probably had something to do with it, but you told yourself it was okay.

You told her it was okay and you agreed to be her friend no matter how much it really hurt and no matter how many times you cried yourself to sleep through out the day, missing her or wondering what you did wrong, what had changed.

She left you alone for almost a week afterward because you asked her to and she still doesn't text you because she knows you need space, but she stays almost every night.

You don't sleep when she stays over which is nice because no sleep means no nightmares, but that means you have to stay up all night and listen to her heart beating and the adorable noises she makes in her sleep.

It gets easier and harder every single night..
Mostly harder.

"I love you.." Lauren smiled, still very much asleep as tears began to fall down my cheeks. "Hmm..(Y/n).."

She rolled over, wrapping her arms impossibly tight around me and snuggling her face into my hair.

I just don't understand whatever it is that's going through her head right now.
As it stands, I haven't been making much effort to tell her what's been on my mind as of late.

We used to tell each other everything, all the time, no matter what, but things are differnt now.

She's different now and I'm sure I am too.

Still.. I miss her.