I had been sad for so long. For too long. I had wanted to die.
The world had forgot about me, and it let me slip away.
I wanted to cry, but I never did.
I remember pacing back and forth, clutching a bottle of Vodka in my sweaty palm. I didn't know what I was doing, but I needed help.
I throw my head back, chugging down the burning acid. I thought I could wash away my pain by drinking. I thought I could numb that sore feeling in my heart.
Everytime I did, it just came back.
My eyes were dry and itchy, my bones including my heart, had felt weak and fragil. My hair was a mess, my house was a mess, everything about me was a mess. I just couldn't clean it up right now.
I remember swinging and twirling as if I was in a ball, I was throwing clothes in the air, making them fall over me. I was doing everything crazy. I was crazy.
When I swing around for the last, final time, my heart drops and my eyes widened.
His hands on my waist, his eyes staring into mine. I look at him, cluelessly as that vodka bottle hangs over his head. He looks as if he is about to cry, as if he wants to say something but can't.
I hadn't seen his face, in so long.
I thought he didn't wanna see me, because I was a freak. So I just didn't bother. I remember my heart could not settle in my chest, I had goosebumps covering my body.
"What are you doing here?" I say, probably slurring my words.
He let go of me.
"I came to see you...the door was unlocked...so I let myself in."
Why did that make me angry? I didn't know at the time.
"Get the fuck out my house River! I don't need you here!" I yell at him, pushing him.
He grabs my hands and pushes my weight with his chest, pushing me backwards. He has a confused glare in his eye.
"What's gotten into you?!"
I don't say anything. Instead, I try sliding my wrist out his grip, but he only gets stronger.
I try kicking at his ankles. I try biting his knuckles. I just give up on myself.
My heart was hurting. My mind wasn't even there. I didn't know what to say.
It had made me angry, because he came to see me. I thought I was too much of a freak show, and no one could try to help me. But he wanted to, I could tell, I could see it in his eyes. But what do you do when a person doesn't want to be helped?
My body drops, but he catches me.
Then, suddenly, I finally start to cry. All of my lonliness, all of my pain, all of my sadness, comes out of my eyes in streams...and there I am, crying in his arms.
"Shhh...baby, it'll be okay."
"Why do you even want me, River? I'm pitiful!!"
"Shh...don't talk."
I'm a shivering mess. My breathing gets heavy and heavier.
That's when, his soft plump lips touch mine. That's when our lips lock, and our hearts shake hands. My hands go to his neck, his roam around my waist.
It's quiet, but his heartbeat is pretty loud.
When he had kissed me, it all went away. I didn't cry no more. My heart felt mended back together. My mind felt as if it were there again.
That's when I realized, I didn't need alcohol or even drugs, I didn't need painkillers to fix me.
I needed River.
