Casual Affair

No Happy Endings

This week has consisted of some of the most intense training I've ever experienced in my entire life. I felt like my audition went well, but I couldn't tell considering the judges aren't allowed to show any emotions on their face. This is all I've been thinking about since I've gotten back from New York. It's only been a week since my audition but I'm already counting the days until I hear back from them. This is all I've been working towards for my entire life. This is all I've ever wanted. If I don't get accepted I don't know what I will do. I know I've already gotten into some really amazing school, but none of them compare to Julliard.

I think that I've been enjoying having to worry about school and my future. Only because that issue takes my mind off of Derek and Asher. I still haven't figured about everything with that whole situation. What makes it even harder is that, even though I told my best friends what happened I didn't tell the person that really needs to know... I haven't told Derek. I don't know what's holding me back. Is it the guilt? Do I not want him to look at me differently when he finds out? Am I afraid of breaking my heart? Is it the uncertainty of whether or not he'll forgive me? Even though I know for a fact that he probably won't. He's too honorable and he holds relationships too high to be able to forgive me for this.

That's so selfish of me though. I know that he wont forgive me and that's why I'm not telling him. Maybe... maybe I can just keep this from him. I mean, I stopped seeing Asher. I stopped sleeping with him. I stopped seeing him. I stopped. I'm done. Does Derek really need to know about it? If it's never going to happen again, do I really need to tell him?

"Babe!" The voice of him calling me that just sent chills down my spine. I shouldn't be afraid of him, I should be happy when I hear his voice.

"Hey honey!" I said forcing a smile on my face as he reached me.

"Hey babes." He leaned down and pecked my lips. He backed up slowly before looking at me. "You alright?" He asked grabbing my hand. He seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yea, no, I'm fine." I said nodding my head.

"You don't seem fine." He replied crossing his arms. "I know I've been a little distant and haven't been around much lately. So I haven't been able to help you out and support you much, but I promise that's going to change." He said stepping closer to me. He's apologizing to me for not being around much. I couldn't believe it. After everything I've done behind his back and here he is apologizing to me. I... I don't deserve him. I don't deserve him at all.

"It's nothing babe, really. I've just been really stressed really. Just really stressed." I said looking away from him. I couldn't even stand to look into his eyes as I lied to him. I needed to get out of here and I needed to get out of here fast.

"I might have a way for you to relieve some of that stress." He said seductively pulling me closer to him. I looked up at him in shock.

"But... Prom night you said you weren't ready... you said..." I started before he cut me off.

"I know what I said, but I'm ready now. I'm ready." He said gripping my face. "Tonight. I want you tonight." He said before leaning down and planting a passionate kiss on my lips.

"Tonight." I said reluctantly back to him. A bright smile spread across his lips.

"Great. Love you. See you tonight. I gotta run." He said before pecking my lips and dashing away. I cannot believe what I just heard. Derek want to have sex... with me... tonight. He's been avoiding this for over a year now. We literally rented a hotel room prom night and he didn't want to do anything. The mood was set. The candles were lit. The champagne bottles were popped. Nothing. He said he still wanted to wait. So what's with the change of heart? Why does he all of a sudden want this? I don't understand. I... I... I feel like I might throw up.