Casual Affair

I Think We Need To Stay Away From Each Other (or not)

It’s been a week and the physical and mental remnants of the kiss were still presents. The hickies were still quite visible, but easily concealed with a lot of make-up and clothes that don’t show a lot of my boobs. The mental remnants were harder to hide. Whenever I’m around Derek I feel dirty. I feel unclean. I feel guilty, because I am. I’m a horrible person and I need to tell him, except I can’t handle it. I can’t handle the thought of telling him what I had done. And the feeling of dirtiness isn’t all that much present, since Derek is never around anymore. Not an excuse for what I did. Derek not being around much, and relatively neglecting me, is not an excuse for me to just go around and hook up with my ex-boyfriend. The certain ex-boyfriend that broke my heart into a million and one pieces. The certain ex-boyfriend who hadn’t spoken to me in about a year. The certain ex-boyfriend who thinks he can just waltz back into my life and have me falling back into his arms. That ex-boyfriend.

Well no! I don’t think so! Derek is a great boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend. He helped patch up my broken heart when Asher stomped on it. Derek was there for me when I’d break down in tears because of the pain of my break-up. He was a friend to me. He was great to me. He healed me. I owe him everything. He doesn’t deserve to be cheated on.

Which is why I wish I could get those stupid kisses out of my head. I mean. It’d be better, not really, if it was just one kiss. No it was one kisses and a make-out session that very well could’ve, and was leading to, other things if my dad hadn’t come to check on me.

He pulled down my cami a bit and started sucking on the top part of my boob causing my to moan. “I want you so bad.” He said in between kisses. He grinded his hips against mine and I pushed myself against him. I felt my body craving his touch.

I shook my head viciously trying to get the thought out of my head. I do not crave him! I do not want him! You don’t want him. He’s not good for you. He’s not good for me. He’s bad. Really bad. Stay away. Stay away like he’s a contaminated needle full of meth. Wait… would that make me a druggie? Well I’m acting like a damn druggie. Not being able to stay away from what’s clearly dangerous and addicting. He’s literally like a drug. And now that I’ve gotten a little bit of him, I need to stop. Stop. Or else I might get addicted again and go back for more. That wouldn’t be goof. That wouldn’t be good at all. I hate him. You hate him. You hate him for everything that he’s ever done to you. Seriously. You can’t get sucked back into the black hole, the massive abyss, that is Asher Nathaniel Reed. You can’t do this to yourself. Not again. It will only end up badly. For you and everyone around you. Stop this while you still can.

“Lana you ok?” Clo asked placing a hand on my shoulder, getting Jas’s attention.

“Um. No actually. Emergency best friend confession session, my house I’ll text you when I’m leaving auditions after school and we’ll meet. It’s important.” I said looking at them both.

“Ok girly. We’ll see you at your house later then.” Jas said giving me a sad smile. I forced a smile back before walking into my next class. I have to tell my best friends what’s going on. I need to confess to someone, and it’s not going to be Derek. At least, not for now. I sat in my seat and closed my eyes. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I see what we did. I rubbed my eyes ferociously trying to rub the memory from my eyes.

“All the make-up in the world can’t cover up what happened in your mind. You’re still going to think about it. You’re still going to feel it. No matter how much concealer you put on. Though, nice job of covering them up. Wouldn’t want your boyfriend, or anyone, asking questions ey?” The familiar voice echoed from next to me. I heard him settling into the seat next to me and a wave of his scent slapped me in the face.