Casual Affair

Flying Into The Future

I woke up more excited and nervous than I had ever been in my entire life. I felt like I was gonna pass out and throw up at the same time! Literally everything I've worked towards throughout my entire life was leading up to this moment. This today I was leaving to start my auditions at Julliard. I can't believe how fast the time went by. I can't believe that my entire life worth of training was about to be shown off. Was I ready? Was I prepared? Will I be good enough? I can't think negatively, just positive thought and vibes right now. Jasmine already went through her audition process and is currently taking a vacation with her family in Paris. Though she did call immediately to tell us how it went. She thought it went very well. The judges, of course, couldn't show any emotions during the process, but Jas thinks she performed the best she's every performed in her entire life. And I think that's really what matters here. That she felt confident in her abilities and her performance. Now it's just me and Clo left to audition.

We've been literally waiting for this day since... since forever. We've dreamed of getting into Julliard together and rooming together and starting a new life together in New York. I believe it will be amazing and I'm hoping that this is the week that all of our dreams come true.

I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I said sitting up in my bed. My mom came in with a tray of food. "To what do I owe the honor of breakfast in bed?" I asked causing her to laugh.

"Well my baby is going off to audition for her dream school this week. So I wanted to surprise her with a good luck breakfast to show her how much I love her." She said handing me the tray. I scooted over and patted the spot next to me. She sat down and looked at me.

"Thanks mom. I love you." I said grabbing her hand.

"I love you too baby girl." She said rubbing my cheek. "Now tell me, how are we feeling? Are we nervous? Scared? What?" She asked turning to face me completely.

"A little bit of both. I don't know. I'm really excited because this is everything I've been working my whole life for. I'm really excited to show them that I'm worthy of being at their University. Then, on the other hand, I'm also afraid that I'm not worthy of being there and that I'm not good enough." I said looking down.

"Don't you ever think you're not good enough sweetie. Whether or not Julliard takes you, you are good enough. You will do great, amazing, groundbreaking things whether or not you attend Julliard." My mom said holding onto my chin.

"Thanks momma." I said with a soft smile.

"No problem baby girl. Now I gotta finish cleaning the kitchen before we head to the airport." She said getting up.

"Oh! I have to grab one last thing before we head out." I said looking up at her.

"That's fine, we're not leaving for another 2 hours." She said smiling before closing the door behind her. I finished eating my food before rolling out of bed. I looked through my window and over at Asher's.

He moving around in his room totally oblivious to the fact that I was watching him. We haven't talked since Prom. Which I guess is fine... considering he laid a pretty big question on me that night. I still haven't really come up with an answer to that. I mean on one hand I really do care about Derek. I do love him and he's a great guy. He makes me feel safe and happy. Yet, he doesn't give me that same skip in my heartbeat as Asher does. I definitely have feelings for Asher, there's no denying that, but the nature of those feelings is what's bothering me. Is it purely just lust...? Do I just physically want him? Or is it really love? Am I still in love with him? Answering those two questions was going to be a tough one. Yet, not something I really had to worry about now.