Casual Affair

The Lake

My eyes were still blindfolded shut. The blindfold was starting to get a bit itchy, but I didn’t want to complain. I wanted this to be perfect for him. For Derek. I feel like I should feel that way because I’m his girlfriend and I love him and I want him to be happy. That’s why a normal girlfriend would want to complain. That’s what a normal girlfriend would do. I’m not normal. Well not anymore. Not since Asher decided to bombard his way back into my life and completely wreck every form of normalcy I had.

Now, I want things to be perfect for Derek because I feel guilty. I feel guilty. I sang a song that was supposed to make me feel more loved than anything else in the world and I chose a song that my ex boyfriend sang not even to me before we were even dating. I know, I know, that I wouldn’t have picked that song if Asher hadn’t made a grand entrance back into my life. I know because he wouldn’t have been on my mind. I know because Derek would have. Derek would have been on my mind. I would’ve sang one of the many songs that Derek has sung to me! Like Clo so effortlessly pointed out.

I can’t see how they cant see something is going on with me. I mean, I’m happy that they can’t. I’m glad that I can hide this. I don’t need the questions. I don’t need the comments. I don’t need Derek thinking that I’m going to cheat on him with my ex boyfriend. I don’t need Derek thinking that I’m still in love with my ex boyfriend. But… but isn’t that where all the signs are leading? That I’m still in love with Asher? I mean, I can’t get him off my mind (even as I think about getting him off my mind), I sing his song in class, I almost let it slip that him doing the things he used to do when we were dating could possibly be bringing back my old feelings for him.

NO. I refuse to believe it. It’s just my mind going through some stuff. I’m in shock. I mean, I haven’t talked to him in so long and then BAM he just appears. He appears and starts talking and acting like nothing even happened. Of course that’s going to screw with my brain. Of course. My brain is having a normal response to the stressful situation that it’s going through right now. And it is going through a stressful situation. All of this is pretty damn stressful. I’m physically getting tired from it. I shook my head slightly before squeezing Derek’s hand.

Derek. Derek’s been such a good boyfriend to me. Such a good boyfriend and now how do I repay him? By thinking about my ex boyfriend. No. I can’t. He’s been way too good to me. He deserves better than that. I love him. I should be thinking about him. I’ve been thinking about him for so long. I mean. For months Asher’s name hasn’t once crossed my mind. Not once. Just Derek. Just Derek and all the amazing things he’s done for me. Just Derek and how sweet he is. Just Derek and him being the best boyfriend a girl could ever really ask for. The entirety of Derek and I’s relationship Asher hasn’t really been a factor other than in the beginning. I know I started dating Derek because of Asher, but it’s been so great. And I do truly love Derek. If you love someone you shouldn’t spend your time with them thinking of someone else. And so I won’t. From now on I won’t think about Asher anymore. I will only think about Derek and his amazingness. I mean, come on. He’s surprising me right now.

“Alright. Here we are.” He said before slipping off my blindfold. My mouth dropped and my head started spinning. Shit! Shit on crackers. “Do you like it?” He asked slowly.

“I love it.” I said nodding. I turned around and pecked him on the cheek. “I do love it.” I said nodding. I wasn’t ling. I did love it. There’s only one problem. This used to be Asher’s and my place. Our place. I feel back for being here with Derek. But, I wasn’t going to say anything. As I mentioned before I don’t want to complain. I want this to be perfect for him.

“I’m glad.” He replied with a cheeky smile. He set up a little blanket for us and sat down. I laid in his lap just looking out onto the lake. Watching it move slightly with the wind. Derek rubbed my shoulder gently. I smiled scooting closer to him. I liked our times like this. When it was just us and we enjoyed each other’s presence without having to say anything. I looked over at the lake and sighed. I couldn’t help but start thinking of all the memories I’ve had at this lake with Asher.