Casual Affair

I Just Wanted to Know About Your Book

So for the past couple weeks, Asher and I have not been speaking. I mean, I know that what I told him I wanted. I wanted him to leave me alone and I wanted him to like, not want me, but that’s a lot harder than it sounds really because all I really want to do as of late is talk to him. I just want to talk to him. I don’t know where I got this sudden attachment from, but I can’t stand it. I got too attached to him being around. To me having that ability to just go up to him and talk to him, or communicating through our songs or something of the general sort, but no. It’s been radio silence. It’s like we’ve gone back to the days when we didn’t even acknowledge the other’s presence. Not a hi, not a look, nothing. I know this should be making me feel really happy, but I don’t think it is. It’s not. It’s not making me happy. I mean, not a lot is making me happy right now to be honest. Derek is still neglecting me. We haven’t been on a real date in over a month and we only see each other in the hallways at school. We don’t really talk on the phone much either. I’ll text him and he tells me he’s busy with the band or rehearsing, or at a photo shoot. Sometimes he’ll tell me he’s going up on stage in a bit, and I wouldn’t even know he had a concert. Like, aren’t you supposed to tell your girlfriend these kinds of things? Nonetheless, I’ve been having problems with Derek. On top of that, my dad has been sent into overdrive at the magazine causing him to be all over the place and causing me to have to be the perfect child at all times. This is also causing major tension in the household causing super stress on me. My music instructor has been extra hard on me lately because we need all the time we can get to make my Julliard auditions amazing, breathtaking.

I walk into my classroom and spot him. He’s sitting with a good book, whatever it may be, reading as he waits for class to begin. I want to talk to him, I want to go over and ask him about the book he’s reading. I just want things to go back to normal between us. Well, I don’t know if is should say that. There had never been a normal between us that hasn’t involved us liking each other. From the moment we laid eyes on each other when he was performing up there on stage those years ago there was an undeniable pull between us. That’s been our normal. Can’t we make a new normal or something? Can’t we just be friends? I mean yea, that’s a foreign concept or some shit like that, but I mean seriously. I shook my head slightly, shaking away the idea from my head. Silly Lana, you can’t be friends with your ex-boyfriend. Especially with Asher, I mean, you saw how badly things turned out the last couple times you guys were together… but you saw him in the window the last time we spoke. He wants the same thing, to be friends. I slid in my seat, not taking my eyes off of him. He’s concentrating so hard on that book. His lips will curl up every so often as he skims over what’s probably a funny part. And he purses his lips when things get serious. Then he’ll raise his left eyebrow at the “shocking” part of the book. I study the way he tenses up his jaw then releases the tension. Soon he closes his book, probably because he finished a chapter. He turns and finds me looking at him. He smirks at me before raising his eyebrow as if to ask why I was looking at him. I am unfazed by it and just roll my eyes before looking away.

“Ok class, we’re gonna start the presentations now. Up first Ally.” Mr. Meyers Ally, a petite cute blonde, makes her way up on stage. I keep my eyes on her but my mind is elsewhere. I should e thinking about Derek, I want to be, you know, thinking about him, but whenever I start thinking about him I get angry. I get angry at the fact that he’s been ignoring me for the past month. I’m mad that he’s never around anymore. I’m mad that he’s being a sucky boyfriend. And I’m mad at my self. I’m mad that I so easily let Asher come back into my left. I’m mad at how much I find myself thinking about him. I’m mad that he’s openly admitted that he wants me back. I mean Damnit Asher, why couldn’t you have admitted this when I’m not in a fucking relationship that would’ve made everything so much easier. SO MUCH FUCKING EASIER! How about you have come to me right after we broke up and told me thing? How about you have told me sooner that you made a mistake? I took a deep breath before unclenching my fists. I close my eyes and realize we’ve gone through half of the performers already and one is on stage, leaving Asher and me left still to sing. Baxter came off stage and Mr. Meyer called up Asher. I kind of got anxious at what he’d sing. Would it be a song directed towards me or not? He got up and started singing Centuries. I love Fall out Boy… He probably didn’t sing the song for that reason. He probably just forgot that I loved them. He probably didn’t even care, I mean he hasn’t talked to me for a while. So no. He looked over at me from the stage and smiled at me. A dazzling, heart melting smile. I can’t do this. NO. You cant think about him anymore. You can’t think about him anymore. You’re done. Cut off. Mr. Meyer finally called me up there and I decided on a song.