Heal // z.m

six | blood & small talks

Zayn

It had been a while ever since I had had my usual stomach ache, but it was so bad today that I woke up because of it. I tried to lie down in a comfortable position and pulled up my knees to lighten the pain, but nothing seemed to work. Trying to open my eyes normally, I threw up right after I had sat up straight. The nausea was extreme for reasons I didn't really understand.

Stepping out of bed to go over to the toilet, I couldn't help but throw up again, all over the floor as I had no time to rush over to the toilet anymore. I was too late.

I wanted to wipe my mouth with my pajama sleeve, but the moment I did that- I noticed the deep red colour of blood on it as well. I closed my eyes for a while and felt warm liquid dripping down my nose, past my lips. My nose was bleeding, again.

The smell of it was strong and I could taste it on my lips, making me even more nauseous. Luckily for me, a nurse had heard me and she held a bowl in front of me so I could retch into it.

Sadness and annoyance built up in me as I couldn't understand why my nose kept bleeding, why my stomach hurt so awfully much and why I was so extremely nauseous.They had never told me this were side effects of the immunotherapy, or weren't they side effects?

"Are you okay, Zayn?" The nurse questioned, and I could only answer with a shrug. I felt mad, I wanted to kick something. My mood swings were awful and it was kicking in really hard when things like this happened to me.

"Those pills aren't working, not at all, can't you see? Just give me the stupid chemo already. Nothing can make this all better anyway." I couldn't help but almost snap it- I was upset. This all was so unfair. My positivity was suppressed by my mood swings, making me feel disappointed.

A retching sound was soon followed after that. I emptied my stomach in the small bowl again as the nurse gently sat me down on my bed. My whole body was shaking due to the cold, nausea and weakness.

"Zayn, we gave you immunotherapy to try. We have noticed that your symptoms didn't really get any better. You'll have to go through the scans later today and the doctor will decide based on that." The nurse explained to me, handing me a napkin to wipe my mouth on.

I couldn't reply. I kept throwing up and noticed my hands shaking as I tried to hold the bowl still.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, I heard a sneeze coming from the other side of the room. The nurse and I both looked up and my eyes instantly met with Rose's brown ones, calming me down a little.

I felt relieved once I saw her as I had never liked this nurse as she was such an old, annoying, lady who decided everything for you. Don't get me wrong- I knew I had to listen to the doctors and nurses, but I could decide on my own when I felt like people visiting me or not, and besides that, they had always told me I still had my own input in things.

"Excuse me, who are you?" The nurse asked, her expression confused.

Rose cleared her throat, "Uhm, I am-" I could tell that she was a little startled by the woman's harsh voice, so I decided to help her a little. She was new and kind, so I felt bad for her.

"That's Rose. She came here yesterday too. Internship. She-" I stopped talking and a new wave of vomit left my mouth. It was the smell of blood that made me throw up again and again. The blood was seeping out of my nose, onto my chin and dripping into the bowl of vomit.

The woman sighed, "Stay quiet, Zayn. It's not good for your headache. Now why don't you lie down on the bed? You clearly don't feel well. Rose, honey, would you mind leaving the room? He likes being-"