Heal // z.m

79.

Zayn

After a few very emotional and weird days, I finally felt at peace. I finally felt like it was okay. I had accepted most of the things and I could now enjoy and appreciate all the little things that people did for me, even when it was so hard to let them help me at first.

I hated that I didn't have enough energy anymore to do things, to walk, not even to my bathroom but now that I had accepted it, I was more than happy that they gave me the possibility to use a toilet- chair, to give me food through a tube and to help me wash my body in the bath.

I had been scared to fall asleep at night, not exactly knowing the reason why. I guess death still scared me somehow. I was scared to go to sleep and never wake up again. When Rose made me fall asleep and she told me that she was there and that I was safe.. I did feel safe. And I didn't need another person to help me fall asleep anymore.

Like I said, I felt at peace. Even when I was about to fall asleep. What if I didn't wake up? It would be okay. I would wake up in a better place, where I was sure I was going to meet everyone I loved so much up there again. I didn't have to miss them.

It was okay. I was ready.

Fear wouldn't take over the last stage of my life. In fact, I had pushed it very far away from me.

My parents and siblings visited me almost every day and Rose worked almost every day or night so she could take care of me and be with me. It was the best thing I could ever ask for. It was my only wish, my family, Caroline and my girl Rose to be with me the moment I would leave the earth.

There was another thing I really wanted to do and I was sure it was going to happen tonight, at Rose's night shift. I couldn't wait for her to be here and I couldn't wait to go up 'there' with her.

I had worked on my small flower project for as much as possible and I was happy to say that I had finally finished it, along with some other stuff I needed to get done.

Finally, after hours of lying down in my bed and sleeping, Rose walked into my room for the usual night check up.

I smiled at the beautiful view of my Rose and I slowly sat up. "Finally." I chuckled slowly.

Rose seemed surprised. I hadn't laughed or chuckled in days because of the way I felt. She probably needed to get used to the fact that I was very calm, happy and okay at the moment. In my mind, at least. I was still in a lot of pain, but it didn't stop me from smiling. The negative me was gone, the positive me was completely back.

"Zayn, babe." She said, quietly closing the door behind me. She walked over to my bed and sat down.

We both leaned in and softly kissed each other's lips. It still made me feel like our first kiss and I could tell she felt the same, according to the blushes on her cheeks.

"Rose, there's something I want to do before I.. before I die." I said, trying to not make it sound really blunt. I didn't want to hurt her.

Rose kept staring at me, "What is it?"

"I want to go to the forbidden place one last time. With you. Like we used to do when things were different." I smiled at her and she immediately understood what I meant.

She hesitated, though. "Aren't you tired?"

"Rose, I want to do it. Please?" I placed my hand on her cheek and it didn't take her long to nod.

"But you have to sit in the wheelchair." She stood up and rolled it over to my bed. Even to that I could still smile. It was my last small wish and I'd do anything to make it come true.