Heal // z.m

73.

Rose

"I'm terminally ill." He spoke quietly as a few tears rolled down his cheeks.

The feeling those words gave me were indescribable. It was like my heart already broke into two, although no one had done anything to break it. Like he was being pulled away from me and I couldn't do anything to get him back, while we were ripping into two. Like he had already died, when he was sitting right in front of me.

You know, I had heard this so many times. Those exact same words, but they were all people I didn't know. Once someone you know speaks those words, it's like you just heard those words from to doctor speaking to yourself. It hits you so, so hard. It's something no one can describe.

My head felt heavy and my heart already empty, which wasn't good. I had to tell myself that he was still here right now, and if he wasn't going to be later- then I had to enjoy all of the moments we would get together as much as possible.

I hadn't noticed that I was crying until I felt his warm hands cupping my cheeks and his lips softly kissing my tears away.

I opened my eyes and stared into his watery ones and I couldn't believe that he was the one comforting me. How could he be so strong?

Zayn brushed the fresh tears away with his thumbs and he pressed a long yet soft kiss to my cheekbone, "I hate to see you cry. It hurts me, Rose." He whispered.

"What did he say, Zayn? How long did he give you?" I asked, my voice cracking throughout the sentence.

He looked at me and closed his eyes for a while, quickly wiping away his tears and trying to stop crying. "He didn't know. He said it could be weeks, months, maybe even a year."

I nodded slowly as more tears started to fall. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed my head to his chest and started rubbing my back soothingly. I felt safe in his embrace and his own little scent smelled so familiar. It was like I could appreciate it even more now.

"D-did you tell your mum?" I asked, looking up at him.

Zayn looked down at me and wiped my cheek with his fingers, slowly shaking his head. "No, I haven't told her yet."

"Why not?" I asked softly, almost whispering.

He stared at me, his glossy hazel eyes looking more green than brown at the moment because of the tears in them. "I don't want to, Rose.. they said I was incurable when I was seven as well and I survived. I don't want her to give me false hope."

"But what if it isn't false hope? What if you're going to survive again?" I asked, hope filling my voice.

Zayn kept staring at me while he never let go of me and he slowly shook his head, "No, Rose."

"Why not?" I whispered.

He looked up and he slightly clenched his jaw as he tried to stop crying, but he failed. New tears filled his eyes and one even managed to escape them. "Because I feel myself slipping away." He said quietly.

I started biting my cheek as more and more tears fell down my face. I couldn't stop them, I couldn't even contain them. There were so many and it was so uncontrollable, that it hurt my face.

The thing I loved about Zayn was that he let me cry for a moment. He knew that I needed it right now, he also understood that nothing could stop it. He was sad too, he was crying with me.

I didn't know how long it lasted, but after a while the tears finally seemed to be up and I dried my face with the sleeves of my sweater as they were soaked. I took a deep breath and looked up at Zayn who was giving me a small smile.