Of (Heart)Beats and Bylines [Completed]

Chapter 45- Ring-a-Ding

14 months ago (last flashback chapter) 😊

"You did not just propose to me!" I wailed in disbelief.

"News flash. I just did." His expression was unreadable. It was... neutral... or borderline sullen. Perhaps he expected a more enthusiastic reaction from me but I wasn't having any of it.

"What kind of a proposal was that? You don't propose at the spur of the moment! Marriage is a lifelong commitment; a proposal is something that you think about over and over again. It's something that you prepare for that's why the man has a ring on hand- "

"So it's about the works, the bells and whistles, the flashy side of it?" I could see that RJ's temper was starting to flare up.

"It's not about materialism! Don't you dare accuse me of that! You know me better." My voice conveyed a signal too- that I was beginning to be on the edge.

"I wasn't making any accusations. I'm sure you're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Why prolong it further? And you wanted a baby. If that's the case, let's be a family that's bound not just by love but by law."

"That's worse, RJ! You're proposing because you feel bad for me?! Yes, I felt excited about the concept of having a baby but in retrospect... in hindsight, we are not ready for it. And I don't think we are ready for..." I could not bear to finish it because it meant that I was turning down his proposal. But I didn't want to say 'no', I just want to say 'not yet'.

"For marriage?" He finished for me. He face was so grim and resentful. "Is it because I just have part time employment? My correspondent job and law apprenticeship pay combined is almost as good as a full time position. And if I pull out my investment from the website, it's more than enough to pay for an extravagant wedding."

"I don't want you to do that!" I practically shouted.

But RJ kept on ranting. "I have the house to myself, so we will always have a roof on our heads."

"Can you take a moment to listen to yourself!"

"Well, news flash again. It's all or nothing." He was now beginning to sound hostile.

"Are you implying that we breakup?" I asked blatantly but in a frantic manner.

"Maybe I am." He said in a deadly tone. He was neither shouting or threatening and I found this scarier. He then turned and walked out of my room in a huff, slamming the door in the process.

As he did this, my body flinched a little. For the second time today, I found myself recoiling on the bed and bawling my eyes out.

~~~~~

"Happy birthday to me." I greeted myself as the day was about to come to a close.

It's 10 p.m. and I'm lying on my bed, trying to catch up on sleep. It's been five days since RJ and I had a fight. I haven't had proper rest since that fateful Sunday night when RJ proposed so unceremoniously. It does suffice to say that I've been having insomnia since then. Prior to our fight, I was already highly stressed, as the OB-GYN pointed out. And this latest casualty is nicely capping off the anxiety I am going through. Like a cherry on top, but it's anything but pleasant.