The Heart Wants What It Wants ✔️

Ch. 46

Despite the many lectures Chris has given me, I'm still super worried and can't stop thinking about him. My head has been in the clouds so much that Mal and Em have taken up the responsibility of making sure I'm able to do simple things like walking to the cafeteria and not to the music room. They controlled me like I was a robot so that I wouldn't do anything stupid or get into any trouble or etc.

Today was the first day of Christmas break...well technically today is the last day of school if you're going to the Christmas party the student council prepared. Nothing important was happening, so I decided I would just ditch today since it didn't really matter if you went or not.

I groaned tiredly as I sat up from my bed. I may not be going to school for the Christmas party, but I am still going to the Christmas party that my friends demanded to have. We were gonna have our own Christmas party, and we're holding it at Emma's place.

I took my sweet time in choosing my clothes and putting them on . I wore a forest green leggings, my brown knee high boots, a white long sleeves peplum top, and a brown scarf.  It was just 4 items of clothing, but it took around 30 minutes for me to get ready since I kept picking up my phone in the middle of dressing up.

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Once I was finally done, I noticed that it was still 10AM. We didn't have to be at Emma's 'til 12PM. I had 2 hours left to spare, so I decided to hang in the nearest Starbucks from her house.

As I was ordering, I noticed a familiar face sitting alone in one of the booths by the window. I kept my eye on him as I waited for my drink. He seemed to be in deep thought.

"Peppermint mocha?" The female worker says. I snap out of my thoughts and take the drink from her hands. She smiles a friendly smile and begins making another order.

I made my way over to the booth I've been eyeing and sit down next to him. My actions seem to have snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Can I sit here?" I ask

"You already are" Jaxon laughs

"True. I would've sat here whatever answer you gave me anyway" I chuckle

"It's nice to see you back to normal. You've been out of it ever since..." He trails off

"Yeah, I know. I feel really bad for not hanging out with you guys." I say

"It's okay. We understand." He smiles reassuringly

"So...what are you doing here all by yourself?" I ask

"Ahh just people watching before I have to go to Emma's." He says

"Can I join?" I ask

"No."

"Why nott?"

"I've missed you, and I wanna talk to you." He slings an arm over my shoulder

"Awww how sweet" I say jokingly

"Heyy it's true!!"

"I missed you too" I chuckle

Silence looms over us, but I can tell he wants to say something. For once, Jaxon actually seemed nervous about something. I poked his cheek, making him face me.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask him

"W-well...I wanted to ask you something" He says truthfully

"Then ask! Why are you so nervous" I say

"Well...last month during Kaden's party, you really don't remember anything?" He asks. I tense up as flashbacks of that night run through my head.

"I...I do remember some things." I say softly

"I have a feeling you remember the same thing I remember" He says. I don't say anything. I was not prepared for this conversation right now. My heart was pounding and I felt my hands start to sweat.

"I have a feeling that you remember kissing me." He says as he grabs my hand. I sucked in my breath and tensed up even more.

"I don't know about you, but I also remember it feelings so good. I remember wanting- no craving more. I remember how good it felt to be so close to you."

"Harley...I remember wanting you more and more after that day. When you left for that whole week to take care of Chris, God I can't tell you how much I missed you. I just...ever since that day, it's like I just need you. I need and want to be with you. Harley, I-"

"Stop." I say with a shaky breath  "Jaxon, please stop."

This can't be real. This can not be real.

Just when I started to move on...

"Harley...I'm telling you the truth..."

"No...Jaxon don't. You don't want me." I shake my head, trying to keep the tears in.

"But-"

"Jaxon, we've been friends for just a few months. Heck before those months, you and I had a rocky and unsteady friendship that always ends up in you hurting me. And you know what? Before that you turned me down twice. Before THAT you used me and my feelings for you."

"Jaxon...you don't like me like that. You just think that because of one drunken kiss. You and I just weren't made for each other, Jax. We have literally nothing in common. We're in two completely different worlds."

I wipe the stray tear that falls from my eyes.

"It's just as they say: You don't love me. You love the thought of me..."

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