The Heart Wants What It Wants ✔️

Chapter 59

"We need to talk"

Four simple words that held such a nerve-wracking feeling to them. That line is a dreaded line that no one ever wants to hear, but it was inevitable. There was no other way.

Tyler's smile faltered ever so slightly. I could practically hear his heart pounding in nervousness...or that could just be me.

"Aren't we talking now?" He says jokingly to try and lighten the mood a bit

"Yeah but like...a serious talk." I couldn't even look at him anymore. I fear I would burst into tears if I did.

"Alright...what is it then?" Tyler responds softly with worry dripping off every letter.

"I...Tyler, you're so good to me." I start off. The tears now fall down my cheek. I'm unable to prevent them any longer.

"You...you were the only guy in my life to every treat me right and love me right. You've made me so happy and god you're so perfect. You're so perfect..." A strangled sob escapes me as Tyler places his hands on top of mine "I don't deserve you...I-I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better. Someone who isn't this broken fucked up mess. Someone who will love you and treat you how you've treated me. Someone who will make you so happy and I...I'm so sorry. I-I...I cheated on you."

My very soul broke with all the guilt weighing down on it. I sobbed as the words had barely escaped my lips. I've never been more ashamed of myself.

"Wh-while you were gone...I...I cheated on you with Jaxon. He just...he kissed me and I...I..." I could barely finish but the thought was there. I wasn't even drunk. I was sober and too caught up with my past emotions. That's what made me all the more despicable.

But Tyler...god that angel. There was no anger when I finally managed to look at him, and I guess that's what made it hurt more. He wasn't mad and that kind hearted soul that I cheated on forgave me on the spot. He looked at me with these kind and gentle eyes that held no hatred. He didn't yell at me and slap me like I deserved. He simply smiled a sad but understanding smile and kissed my hands ever so sweetly like he knew it would be the last time he would do so. And he did. He knew.

"It's okay, Harley." He says softly "Calm down...don't cry. It's okay. I'm not mad. Let's not stain your beautiful face with those tears, okay?"

I sobbed even more at how kind his response was. I didn't deserve it. I deserved to be yelled at and called a disgusting whore. I deserved to be slapped and dumped. This...I didn't deserve such kindness.

"It-it's not okay. I wasn't drunk, Tyler. I knew what I was doing, but I just couldn't...I couldn't stop. I don't know why I did it. I don't even have a good excuse why I did it. I was just so caught up in the moment that I...I..."

"I know why you did it." Tyler said softly "I knew way back then on the day we first met that you were in love with someone. Someone that was giving you a hard time. I'm not mad and it's okay because I already know you will never truly be mine. Your heart has always and will always be with Jaxon. I knew that from the start."

"I-if you knew then...then why did you still date me?" I asked in confusion

"Because I was in love too...with someone who was giving me a hard time. I saw you and you looked so heartbroken. You looked just like me. A heartbroken mess trying desperately to move on." He explains "So I tried my luck and dated you. I reminded myself that you were broken and your heart had already been stolen. I kept telling myself not to fall into deep and that you were just a rebound. I fell for you anyway."

My sobs were uncontrollable at his confession. This seemed to hurt so much more than being yelled at.

"Loving you was truly the best experience in my life so far, but loving you was different from being in love with you. I love you, Harley, but I'm not in love with you. To love is just that. To Love. I love the way you smile and I love every little thing about you. But to be in love, that was something different. I wasn't in love with you the way you were in love with Jaxon. From the moment the three of us were under the same roof, I saw and I knew. You were in love with Jaxon. Your love for him was already in too deep to ever be pulled out by me. No matter how much I loved you, it wouldn'tchange a thing. Because from the bottom of your heart, you loved him. There was no going back from it."

Tyler stood and sat down next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry and sob on his shoulder.

"I love you, Har...I'm not mad at you. I know you love Jaxon." He mumbles softly in my hair "I'm not mad and you can be with him now. I hope that I made you happy at least with our time spent together."

"Y-you...you made me...the happiest...ever." I sobbed out "Th-thank you...for everything. Thank you so much. I-I'm sorry for...for everything. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright...It's alright, beautiful." Tyler says softly as he kissed my forehead "No need to cry, okay? Everything is okay between us. There's no bad blood or anything."

I stayed in his arms for half an hour -at least that was what I was told. I cried and cried until I could cry no more. He stayed by my side and let me cry on his shoulder while whispering his forgiveness, kindness and comfort in my ear.

At the end of it all, I lost the best and most perfect guy. The greatest boyfriend in the whole wide world, but at the end of it all, I gained what will forever be the greatest friend.

A friend who stayed, listened and took care of me as I cried and told him my problems. I told how my heart was so torn and broken and shredded into pieces because of Jaxon and because of my disgraceful actions. I told him everything from top to bottom. He stayed through it all and listened like he always does. He listened, held me, and then tucked my exhausted self into bed- kissing my forehead and wishing me a good night.

I wished and prayed to every star and God that I could just fall in love with Tyler instead. But despite the guilt in my chest, my heart stood firm. I was in love with someone else. It wanted Jaxon and no one else.

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A/N Hey guys!!!

So it's been A LONG LONG LOOOONNNGGGG time since I've written. I took a REAALLLYYYYYY long break and I'm kinda rusty actually. My writing isn't as great as it used to be, but the good news is my inspiration is starting to get back to how it used to be when I started writing.

I don't want to raise your hopes up, but I have a feeling you'll be seeing a lot from me soon.

Anyway! As always, I love you all so much from the bottom of my heart. You're all the bestest human beings in the world and don't let anyone even yourself tell you otherwise.

:)

                                   All the love, AB