The Heart Wants What It Wants ✔️

Ch. 35

It's been 2 weeks, and Jaxon and I have yet to discuss about what I said. I kept avoiding the topic and moments wherein I would be alone with him. I hoped that he'd forget about it soon, but that wasn't the case. He'd still look at me every time we were near each other. It was clear that he wanted to talk.

"HARLEY DEYES OH MY GOSH" Mali's yell snaps me out of my thoughts

"Huh? What's wrong?" I ask in confusion

"This is the 100th time in the past few weeks that I had to drag you out of your dream world. What in the heck is going on in that brain of yours?!" She exclaims

"Oh! I'm sorry, Mal...I'm just distracted that's all." I say

"It must be something big cause you've been like this for 2 weeks now" Reece says

"It's nothing" I smile at them. I felt Jaxon staring at me, but I avoid looking at him.

"I'm just gonna go get some stuff for the next period. I'll see you guys later" I wave them bye and walk off. Once I was out of sight, I sagged my shoulders and let out a sigh.

I hated lying to them, but they didn't have to know about my stupid problem.

"Harley?" Jaxon's voice sounds from behind me. I tense up. Oh no...

"Hey Jaxon! What's up?" I grin at him

"I need to talk to you." He says

"Uhm sure? Go ahead." I say

He approaches me and soon grabs me hand. My eyes widen in shock. He proceeds to drag me outside to the parking lot. He opens the passenger seat and beckons me to get in.

"Jaxon, I can't skip school" I say

"I don't care. You're coming with me." He says

"No. Why do we have to leave the school? Can't you just say it right now?"

"No I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"Does your mouth not-"

"DAMMIT HARLEY! JUST GET IN THE CAR PLEASE" Jaxon yells in frustration. My eyes widen and I get in. I put on the seatbelt and made no other move.

He speeds out of school and drives above the speed limit. We reach my house within 10 minutes than the usual 20. I was confused why he just took me home to talk about this. I got down and headed to my room. The whole walk there was awkward, and Jaxon was still mad.

After I closed the door behind me, I turned around to be face to face with Jaxon. His eyes seemed to be bearing into my soul. They held the look of upset, frustration and...sadness? Why was he sad?

"What is going on, Jaxon? What do you want from me?" I say

"I want answers." He says

"Two weeks ago, I heard you say "Are we friends?". I've been meaning to talk to you about it, but you keep avoiding me and this talk. It's gotten me so frustrated, Harley. You don't even call me J anymore!!! Heck you barely notice me." He finally bursts. This has been pent up for quite a while, hasn't it?

"Jaxon, It was nothing. I was just saying something stupid" I say

"No! It was real. I know it. It wasn't a joke. You were actually asking me if we were friends." He says it with a hint of confusion in his voice. It was as if he was analyzing my words.

"...yeah..." I sigh. I guess it was time.

"What?"

"Yes, Jaxon, I did say that. I did ask you if we really are friends." I confirm it for him

"Why...why would you ask that?" He looks at me in confusion

"Because I really do need to know, Jaxon! Are we actually friends? Because the way you act seems like we're not" I say

"What do you mean?"

"You're so kind to me when we're together or with our friends, but as soon as your bitch ass girlfriend or any other person in our school comes, you're suddenly this asshole who's way too cool for anyone." I finally say what I've been meaning to tell him for the past 2 weeks. I might have planned for this...

"To me, friendship is about loyalty. Friends will always stick by your side No. Matter. What. And that's the thing with you, Jaxon. You can't be loyal. It's not in your vocabulary. You can't be loyal to your relationship OR your friendships"

"Or maybe it's just because I'm such a loser? Maybe it's because you don't want to be seen with me. I should've known it would be that. I should've known-"

"Harley!! Stop!!" Jaxon yells, cutting me off.

"Harley...I'm sorry. I love being friends with you, trust me, I do. It's just I also like being popular. I have a reputation to keep up, and it may make me sound like an asshole, but I care about my reputation."

"So that's why you're like that. Our friendship is just in secret." I nod my head as I finally come to understand how it works for him.

"Well I got my answer. Thank you for that. It really shows how much you care for me...not much. I should've expected that. Of course the adoration of the whole school is far more greater than one little loser."

"That's all. Our conversation is done. You can leave now" I turn my head to the side. I couldn't bare looking at him anymore. I was trying hard not to cry.

"Harley-"

"Goodbye, Jaxon." I say more firmly

"I'm not going, Harley." He says just as firm

I shake my head and go to my room, locking the door behind me. I enter the bathroom and locked that door as well.

There, I began to cry.

'You're worthless, Harley.'

My thoughts started roaming freely. My inner self constantly picking on each and every flaw. Because of my weak state, I listened. I listened as she started picking on me and on my every flaw. I believed. I believed every thing she said because today I learned the truth.

This wasn't even about Jaxon anymore. I had a feeling that all my friends thought of me like this. They didn't care much for me. I was nothing but another friend in their life that will come and go.

I will never be someone special. Not to Chris, not to Mali, Not to Emma, and especially not to Jaxon Parker.

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Thank you to all those who commented on my previous chapter!!! I dedicate this chapter to all of you~