Reteach Me | Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter Three | The Goodbye Before Hello

You noticed a disturbing trend a few more days into your pregnancy. When you weren't at doctors appointments or getting ultrasounds you would be nervous, completely unsure of yourself and just generally worried. Your doctors told you they calculated your due date based on your last period, ten weeks ago, If you got pregnant the day after your period then it would be Kylos. But you could have gotten pregnany anytime after that, thus making the baby Finn's. You lost sleep over the whole ordeal, even though Finn would reassure you every time he found you sulking that he didn't care whose child it was. It would completely break you to find out you hadn't actually got away from Kylo after all.

After you were done worrying about who the father of your child was you the lived in constant fear over if your precious unborn baby would even survive all 40 weeks. You expected at any moment to start dripping red blood, to rush to the ER only to find out your child had died. If you weren't up all night questioning who its father was then you were holding your still flat stomach tight, it was the only thing you thought to protect it. Your doctor urged you to relax, that stress would do nothing to help you in this situation. But try as you might you could never, simply, relax. You blamed your neurotic tendencies on the events that left you unstable for the past year.

The thought that disturbed you the most often left you wondering 'why?' Why would you think such a thing and why would it be a good thing. The thought crept into your mind like a shadow, it caused so so much turmoil but you often welcomed it because it was the truth:

You were so sure the baby was Kylo's, would it be all that bad if you lost it?

You'd ask yourself that question every few days, and every time you did it would not last. You would always later berate your self and call yourself every synonym for 'selfish' you could think of. It was not the child's fault that it may or may not have been fathered by a murderer that managed to keep you locked up like an exaulted prisoner for an entire year, it didn't deserve to be miscarried just because it carries Kylo's DNA. The thought always disturbed you and you would always wonder if the mindset also came from Kylo's treatment of you.

Ten weeks turned into eleven, eleven turned into fifteen, and soon before you knew it you were twenty weeks a long and sitting once again in the waiting room of the hospital. Against all odds you were now about to receive your anatomy scan, a scan that would be able to tell you the most about your miracle baby. You would be able to count its fingers and toes, see its facial features a lot better now, and see it moving better than it ever had before. You and Finn were eager, he had gotten you extremely excited and looking forward to the event, even promising you to leave the base and get you food from your favorite restaurant. It was also a huge milestone because this was the first ultrasound you were going into that you weren't filled with dread beforehand. You were as relaxed as relaxed could get, you were just so happy and excited to see your baby again now that you knew it was thriving. In fact, you were starting to wonder if you should have gotten a second opinion on your reproductive health since your baby was doing so well.

The ultrasound tech walked in and greeted you with the same questions each time you had gotten an ultrasound: How are you, how are you eating, how are you sleeping, any medications, and your now favorite question: is the baby moving okay?

You first felt a kick at 16 weeks along. It was one of the most magical feelings you had ever encountered, there was just nothing to compare it to. You were fast asleep, in the middle of a lovely dream when you were awoken by a strange feeling in your gut. It felt as if it was extremely out of this world gas, something you had never felt before in your life. You sat straight up in bed, one hand flying to your exposed stomach and the other to Finn's shoulder. Tonight was a night Finn decided to stay over, you were ever so grateful because had you been alone you probably would have lost your mind and ram all the way to the ER.