Reteach Me | Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter 31 | Sadly Familiar

You could remember a time when you meant very little to Kylo, when he used you for nothing but sex and to hear the words "I love you." It had been a few days, maybe three, maybe four? After your first day back on Star Killer the days mostly blended together, but it was early enough that you were finally letting go of the idea of either fighting your way out or waiting to be rescued.

This particular day you were sitting on one of his dining room chairs in your night gown, you had your head resting in your arms up on the windowsill just watching the snow falling, resting on the ground and on the trees, bushes, and rocks that sat right outside of Kylo's quarters. You wish you had known that nearly a year to that day you'd be falling out of that window, only to be rescued by your boyfriend Finn a few days later. Had you known for a fact that you would be rescued eventually, you probably would have had much higher spirits while in Ren's custody.

The snow was falling, everything was so quiet and serene, you were peaceful even though you knew Kylo would be walking through the door any minute now. So you sat and waited, he always got home around six pm or so, and it was going on 5:57 now. You sighed, you still didn't understand what you did in life to deserve this horrid fate. That the short amount of time you had spent on Star Killer with Kylo he had beaten you one or two times, raped you at least once a day, and constantly, constantly, had so many negative words to say about you. Once again, had you known he'd be worshiping you, saying he loved you all the time, and begging you to love him back one day it probably would have been bearable, but on this particular day it just wasn't. You were depressed, you felt worthless, you felt like the only way to escape this prison was to die somehow some way.

But you weren't looking for a way to die at the moment, you were just quietly watching the snowfall.

Kylo walked into the house, causing you to blink after the longest time. You kept your eyes shut as you heard his boots make their way into the kitche, heard his helmet unlatch and be placed loudly on the kitchen counter. The sound caused you to turn around, too afraid he was currently trapped in a rage and was ready to take it out on you. You were met with Kylo staring back at you, he looked pretty calm and content as he swept some dust off of his helmet, eyes locked with yours and burning with desire. He didn't have you every day after work, but it was most days and you had no reason to believe he wouldn't want your body this evening.

He began walking toward you and you turned your head back to the snow, praying to everything and everyone you owned that he wouldn't want sex tonight. Your heart began racing in your chest as you heard him getting closer and closer to you, you shut your eyes pretending that if you couldn't see him he couldn't see you; Maybe this one time he'd leave you alone, he'd see your fear and see your interest in the snow and leave you alone, let you just relax in front of this big window for the rest of the evening.

But of course, it's Kylo and he brought you here for a reason. That reason was not for you to sit in front of a large window and watch the snow peacefully.

He grabbed your wrist and tugged, not even looking at you. You didn't need his looks to tell you he expected and silently demanded you to follow him. Your bottom lip trembled as you rose from your comfy chair, wordlessly bidding your snowy landscape goodbye and promising you'd come back after Kylo was done doing what he felt he needed to do to you.

This time, you tried to fight him. Wiggling about, bending your arms and legs in every direction trying desperately to wiggle out from under him. This particular day you wanted nothing to do with him and you'd try anything to get him away from you. He was pinning your arms down, trying to hold your legs still with his own and it wasn't working in his favor. You were doing such a good job, had almost completely rolled out from under him until he grasped you by the neck and pinned you to his pillow, shouting right in your ear to hold still. You had done nothing but anger him in your sad attempt to get away, now you'd have to pay the price.