Reteach Me | Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter 28| Dots

You watched as storm troopers searched your home high and low for any more wire coat hangers and they came back with three: one recovered from the closet and two from the bottom drawer of your dresser. You shook your head, shameful of you decision from earlier that evening to try and end your child's life all by yourself, if anything you should have sought out medical help and hoped Kylo would have allowed it--it could have been so much more detrimental to you had you followed through with your plan.

Now you and Kylo sat in bed together. It was late, going on 3 AM and neither of you could sleep. You worried that at any moment Kylo would turn on you, start beating you out of anger for trying to rid yourself of his baby. You remembered how stressed out you were during your pregnancy with Griffin, how everyone you ever came across told you to relax. You had absolutely no idea how'd you'd be able to relax with Kylo around, your daily thoughts were plagued with the words 'don't upset Kylo' when considering every action both you and Griffin were doing. Because when Kylo was upset something would be breaking; whether it be a table, a window, your bones or Griffin's bones, there was no way to tell.

So the both of you sat on your backs staring up at the ceiling, both aware of each other's wakeful state but refusing to address one another. That is until Kylo broke the silence with a thick sigh, turning his head and finally looking over to you. "I wish you still loved me." Was all he said before looking back to the ceiling. You let out a sigh of your own, leave it to Kylo to make an already depressing mood even worse. "If you loved me you wouldn't have tried to abort my baby."

"Kylo, don't start please." You said, once again feeling the guilt wash over you. You could hear Kylo's breathing stop momentarily as he closed his eyes. "Come cuddle with me please." Kylo held out his arm for you to scoot yourself in. Your first reaction was no, absolutely not. Even though it had been quite sometime since Kylo had given you a reason to be angry at him you still didn't want to be anywhere near him. This baby deal was all business, there was no room for love anywhere in the equation.

However, as usual you felt like the verbal apologies you had told given him wouldn't be enough, just saying you were sorry didn't heal your guilty conscious. You knew Kylo was so into physical affection and you knew it likely would have broken him even more if you had rejected him as painfully as you wanted to. So you decided that it would be worth it this one time to oblige him, also felt like you needed the comfort of his bare skin on you as well. You scooted into him, embracing him as he wrapped his arm around you and held you close. Had anyone walked into your bedroom at that moment they probably would have thought you and Kylo were a happily married couple. at least until they heard what came out of Kylo's mouth next.

"Here you sit in my arms, pregnant with my child. A product normally produced from love, but you don't love me anymore y/n. Why?" You rolled your eyes, thinking to yourself that you don't need love to make a baby, why did he think he had to force feed you those emergency contraceptives during your first three days? Maybe his question was more about why you didn't love him, one that you thought was just as obvious as the first fifty times he had asked it or hinted at it. The way he had treated you in the past was unforgivable, how he killed all of your friends and your boyfriend was unforgivable, and how he beat Griffin with a belt was unforgivable. You just felt like you couldn't love a man who had done all those things. At this point, Kylo was unloveable.

But you didn't tell him that, too afraid you'd upset him and cause him to fly into a rage. You didn't need that and neither did your children, so you told him something soft to mask how you truly felt about him:

"I can't say that I love you, but I can't say I hate you either."It was the truth, Kylo sat in neutral territory as far as you were concerned. He had kept his distance mostly and kept his hands off of you and Griffin, and sure, he 'saved' your life technically speaking. There was just no reason for you to hate him at the moment, you just kept your distance and reminded Griffin to keep his as well.