Reteach Me | Kylo Ren x Reader

Chapter Fifteen | We Hate Goodbyes

Kylo stared on at the scene on display for him in the girl's medical room. Her leg now in a cast she sat completely still, peaceful in sleep with their child snuggled up next to her on the small cot. He had flashbacks of the morning he had forgotten his datapad and had to return to his quarters only to find Eli and his wife snuggled up happily together. He had a vision that day of the child being his, black hair, bigger lips, and darker eyes. His dream had finally come true, he was now staring at his own family instead of his wife and a Resistance child. He wished that he had a camera, he wanted to remember this moment for the rest of his life even if the result of him losing his temper was now plastered to her leg.

He knew that as soon as the girl woke she would immediately want to be put on the next TIE Fighter going out of the Finalizer. He had messed up yet again, only this time he had put his son in danger as well. Kylo sighed as he tilted his head to the left just a tad. The two most important things in his life were sitting right in front of him and he had almost destroyed both of them.

Kylo felt like he was relapsing, going back to a dangerous drug that could easily take his family and his life from him. He had managed to learn how to control his anger back when Y/n was living with him, he wanted to get better, he wanted to wean himself from the drug that was his uncontrollable outbursts so badly. And he did, y/n had taught him well, to act instead of react to frustrating and upsetting situations and to talk himself out of hurting her.

When he found out that y/n had been stolen from him by the Resistance his first reaction wasn't anger like he had expected it to be, he had already had a plan all thought out of he got word of a Resistance attack who planned on kidnapping his wife. Unfortunately he had gotten caught up in the act of killing his father, an action that released so many different emotions in him. He hated to admit it, but the one that struck him the most was sadness.

He couldn't explain why, he had spent most of his life hating his father. He and the supreme leader had even spoken about how he'd eventually kill Han Solo, revenge for giving him such a tormented and downright shitty childhood.

But as the lightsaber plunged into his father's chest, as he raised his hand and rubbed Kylo's face just as he had when he was a boy to show how proud he was of his little son, Kylo felt so much remorse. As soon as his father's body had disappeared into the reactor below him he felt an undeniable need to sob. That was his daddy, the man that would carry him on his shoulders, would help him with his homework, build things with him, take him flying, all the things a good father would do-- before he left Kylo.

He held back his tears, he needed his y/n.

He reached out to her with the Force, telling her what happened as a way to prepare her for what he needed. Love, he needed to be loved. He needed a shoulder to cry on and he needed to be around someone who he could drop his big, mean, and scary facade around. He needed his wife, the woman who had taught him over the course of a year what love really was.

But his quarters were completely empty. The chain that was holding her was broken, coupled with a burn in his carpet and footboard. It was too late, the girl was gone, plucked right from his desperate fingers. Now Kylo was alone once again.

Just recalling the memories made him tear up in the medbay. That was a day that would forever be ingrained in his mind, the day that the Resistance ordered their own death.

Kylo redirected his anger and sadness elsewhere in that moment, now was not the time to become emotional over the loss of his wife when his wife was sitting right there. Instead, he focused his energy on his son, his son that he only had but one bonding moment with really. Because he knew y/n was going to want to leave he wanted to have one more, to tell him that he was his real father and that there was nothing wrong with that.