Overcomer (complete)

Ch. 22 Mac, I Don't Want to Talk about It

Trey Pov*

Whoa... That was weird... I need to talk to Mac, right now.

I got out of bed after that weird dream I just had. A/N the last chapter was the dream.

***

Me: Mac! I need your advice...

Mac came into the weight room where I was benching my usually.

Mac: You called?

Me (putting up the weights): Yes. I need your help.

Mac: Okay. What's up?

Me: I just had a dream about me and Taylor... I really actually kind of liked it except for the fact that half of it was us having sex.

Mac: Okay...

Me: I think I might be in love with Taylor, but I don't want to have a relationship where we just have sex.

Mac: Then don't. Use your willpower and don't have sex.

Me: It's not that simple...

Mac: What's so difficult you said you were in love with her, so it shouldn't be that hard.

Me: I don't know... Thats why I asked for your help...

Mac: (sigh) Look, Trey. I don't think you are in love with Taylor...

Me (cutting in): Then you think I'm in love with Jordan?

Mac: No...

Me (cutting in again): Wait, then who am I in love with?

Mac: Will you just shut up and listen?! Look Trey... I don't think your in love with Jordan or Taylor. I don't think you fully understand what love is.

Me (getting angry): What the hell is that supposed to mean?!

Mac: To be in love is to put that person's needs before yours. To love someone fully, you can't be holding grudges about past things in life.

Me: What are you talking about?

Mac: You tell me you think you are in love with Taylor, but all you want to do is have sex with her. Is that what she wants? Is that one of her needs, or is it one of yours? Trey, you wouldn't be thinking selfishly if you were really in love with Taylor.

Me (defensively): I'm not thinking selfishly...

Mac: Trey... Seriously, think about it. Yes you are.

I took a pause and reflected on the past. Mac was right, I was putting my needs before Taylor's and Jordan's.

Me: Ok... I see what you mean... So, to truly love someone I have to put their needs before my own? Ok, I'll do that! Thanks, Mac!

I started to get up.

Mac (pushing me back into my seat): That's not all, Trey. I know there is another thing that is holding you back from knowing what love really is.

Me: What?

Mac: Forgiveness.

Me: Forgiveness for who?

Mac: Forgiveness for a lot. You are holding huge grudges and one is from 12 years ago, Trey. How are you ever going feel love and compassion if you don't let go of the past.

Me (quietly): I can't do it, Mac. I refuse to forgive that. It ruined my life.

I got up and ran up to my room shutting the door. I was so angry again. I heard a knock at my door.

Mac (yelling through the door): You can't hide from it forever, Trey! You do this every time I bring it up!

Me (yelling back):Then why do you keep bringing it up?!

Mac: Because you have to face it, Trey! I'm only trying to help you! Don't you think 12 years is long enough?! How are you ever going to move on and be happy if you still can't even talk about it?!

I punched my bed and plopped down on my stomach.

Person: What's going on, Kenz? What's wrong with Trey?

Mac (directing it to the person, but making it loud enough for me to here): He refuses to face his problems. He wants to feel something, but he will never feel it until he forgives all of the things he holds onto. (to me through the door) Holding these grudges are not going to bring them back! They are gone! You have to let it go!

I threw my door open and stepped up in Mac's face trying to be intimidating. It didn't even faze her at all.

Me: You think I don't know this won't bring them back! You think I don't want to forgive! I can't, Mac! I just can't! It hurts too much! It ruined my life, Mac! It's the reason I am the way I am! You wouldn't understand!

Mac (screaming in my face, blowing up now): You think it doesn't upsets me! You think it was easy for me! You think I wasn't affected by all of it! I completely understand, Trey! I wouldn't be here if I didn't understand! You wouldn't have come to me for advice if I didn't know how you felt! Forgiveness is hard! If it wasn't, this world would be so much more peaceful! Maybe you should rethink your life before you blow up on me like that again! You don't understand how much their deaths affected me too, Trey! You're a total idiot if you think everything will just fall right! You're fooling yourself, Trey! When are you going to grow up?!

I didn't say anything. I knew she was partially right.

Person: I kind of agree with Mac. I don't really know what's going on, but she makes sense.

I turned to see who was talking. There were two people standing there looking at me. One looked scared while the other one looked at me with concern.

Me: Please, I really can't talk to Mac with you two here.

Taylor (looking at Jordan and then back at me): It's about us, isn't it?

Me: No.

Mac: Yes.

I glared at her.

Mac: Why do you want to lie to them? That's another thing about love; don't lie.

Me (walking toward the stairs): I don't want to talk about this now.

Mac (giving up): Then, when will you? Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Don't ask me for advice about it anymore because you never listen to me anyway. (to Taylor and Jordan) Come on. Trey doesn't want to talk right now.

Me: Mac...

Mac: No, Trey. This happens every time you ask me for advice. I'm sick of it. I don't want to put up with you moods anymore. You're like a little girl during her terrible twos.

Mac, Taylor, and Jordan walked downstairs, grabbed Lexi and went outside to the open field. They were probably going to talk.

Trevor (coming out of his room): Why won't you just listen to Mac for once?

Me: Why don't you mind your own business?

Trevor: Alright fine. Be like that then. You're a little bitch.

Me: What did you just say to me?

I stepped toward my little brother. He ran into his room and locked the door.

Why does everything have to be so hard?