The Fallen Angels

Chapter 11

Oliver's pov
(Sort Of trigger warning , mentions of abuse, alcohol, and self harm)
Our date went fantastic! I was so nervous at first but there's just something about sage that calms me. He just has this way of being so positive but understanding other people's pain. He's also a really good kisser, just saying. Harper hasn't written me since yesterday, I'm not that concerned though, something tells me that she gets into shit all the time. Christmas has passed, I didn't hardly celebrate. I told my father merry Christmas, and in return I got a new bruise and a few fresh cuts on my thighs(from yours truly). I hate being depressed on Christmas, it's supposed to be a time for cheer and happiness, but all I've known it for was pain. My mother would always be drunk on Christmas, no family was ever over, no lights, presents, or laughter. Just drunken fights and my own tears. I can't say that I miss her, sure she was my mother and I loved her, but she was never really motherly. She was addicted to drugs, she became addicted after I was born, like she couldn't handle the stress. She overdosed when I was 10 years old, shortly after my father became an alcoholic. I was so alone. That's when I learned that no one ever truly belongs. I had no one at such a young age that I didn't depend on people. I distanced myself and became isolated. I never had friends until sage and Harper. I'm not as miserable as I used to be. I've actually felt happy, and I couldn't ask for more. Knowing that people care about me is all I need.

Another think that I have come to realize is that I am afraid of people. Afraid of them judging me. That's mostly the anxiety talking. When I first figured out how messed up I was, I was always afraid that people would find out the kind of music I listened to. I didn't want to be judged by the things I loved. But I'm here to tell you, let them listen to your music, sure they won't like it but they don't know the meaning behind it and how much it has helped you. Let them fear you.Let them judge you, for you are stronger than they see you.
You're always gonna be alone in this world, no matter what people tell you. That's why you are strong, that's why you fight for everything you have. You have to learn to understand that no one is there to help you, you have to thrive off of the darkness coursing through your veins. You are stronger than them. You have fought harder than they ever will. You will always be alone, but That's how you survive.

————————•the next morning

Riiiinnngggg biiiiiinnnnggggg rinnnng

God damn alarm clock
"Uuuuuuuugggggggg it's fucking Mondayyyy." I let out an exaggerated groan and roll off my bed. I hit the floor, still rolled in my grey sheets and rub the sleep out of my eyes. I stay on the floor for a couple minutes convincing myself to get up. When I finally do I go to my bathroom and brush my teeth, I'm not eating breakfast I'm too fat even though others would disagree. I stumble out of the bathroom and begin to search for an outfit. Black jeans are a must. I find a clean pair(I think) on my floor. Today I actually feel kind of good about myself so I put on a solid black T-shirt and on top of that a black and red flannel. I run a hand through my dark hair and damn I look good. I am honestly really looking forward to seeing sage today.
————————• at school

My first three classes go by fast, without Harper I have no one to talk to, and sage and I don't have class until after lunch. The lunch bell rings and I slowly make my way to the cafeteria, I'm not going to eat anyways.
I walk through the cafeteria doors and Sage immediately wraps me in a tight hug and discreetly kisses my cheek. "Hey beautiful." He says, voice muffled by my hair"you look really hot today." He says in a low voice. My face heats up quickly, probably burning a hole in his shirt. "D-don't make me blush!" I say defensively, swatting his chest. "Why not? It's cute!" He retorts, grabbing my hand and kissing it. I can't believe this dork is my b- what exactly are we? Are we even anything? A small bit of anxiety settles in the bottom of my stomach, and still in the back of my mind thoughts telling me that sage is only using me, and he's going to leave me the first chance he gets. "C-can we go for a-a walk?" I ask shyly. "Sure thing babe, I need some fresh air, this dump is giving me a headache." He jokes, we both chuckle and walk out of the cafeteria, fingers and hands locked together.
—————————•
What do you think? Harper's going to be in the next chapter, don't worry I could never forget her. How were your holidays?
Xoemma