Once Upon A Time, A Thousand Tears Ago #Wattys2017

Chapter 56: I loved you dangerously

Chapter 56: I loved you dangerously

"Zara wake up. WAKE UP." A hand slaps my cheeks quite many times and then I finally choose to breathe again and open my eyes. His light blue eyes meet mine. Louis Tomlinson, the rescuer, of course.

"Last time, I closed my eyes; I was not in your house." I speak in the coldest tone representing my body temperature.

"Yeah, that's because last time when you closed your eyes, you wanted to die but I ruined your shitty plan. What were you doing there?" Louis was trying to maintain his composure.

"I left because he didn't ask me to stay." I answer calmly."So you got me out of that place or did I sleepwalk to your house?" I raise my eyebrow while standing up from the comfy bed.

"Do you even know what you are doing to yourself, Zara?" Louis comes a little closer.

"Yes, I was trying to die," I answer coolly.

"Why Zara, Why??" He almost screams which makes me lose my serenity too.

"Because I loved him dangerously. I loved him more than the air that I breathe. I knew we would crash at the speed that I was going but I didn't care if the explosion would ruin me. He's with someone else. He doesn't want me, and if he doesn't want me that means I don't want myself too. I know it's going to hurt but I blame myself first because I ignored the signs. I had this nonsense notion that he would choose me over everyone else on earth just like I chose him over everything. I chose him over my family, my life, my dignity thinking that he would do the same. But I disregarded the truth. The truth was that how anyone can love me when no one except my family had ever loved me since my birth. I was stupid to think that I had any right over him; and now what do I have." I see my pale bare hands. "Do you see my hands how empty they are? For the sake of his love, I lost everything that I had. Now I have these bruises on my skin and soul. This is what you get when you fall in love. Sometimes I think it would have been better if we would die when the heart is broken, but we don't. Because probably dying is easier; Living with the pain is difficult; and I am realizing that I have to live with this pain, forever; just because I loved him dangerously. Grief is the price we pay for love." I hear a smashing sound of glass and realize that I had picked up a glass and then threw it against the wall. The room becomes quiet and I can now feel my heart racing fast.

"I am sorry for the glass." I speak in a low tone after two minutes and move towards the broken glass shards in an attempt to pick it up. The shards, as I wanted, tear the skin of my hand and it feels like for the first time in a million years I feel something warm; my blood oozing out of my hand. It brings a little pain but more comfort to me. I comprehend that I have started liking harming myself.

Louis inches closer to me. He brings his hand under my chin and lifts my face up so that our eyes can meet again. I see pain; sheer pain in his eyes. His blue eyes are now covered with a little light red colour that shows the pain he feels right now. A tear escapes my eye too making me blink and break the eye contact.

"Zara, there is someone who has loved you dangerously too."

I smile at the thought that how fake the word 'love' seems to me now.

"Really? Who is that person who is going to fake this thing with me now?"

"Zara, I love you. I don't know when I fell for you but I know the day when my heart was broken, I felt every single bit of what you are feeling now. I blamed you for everything that was happening to me because you didn't choose me over Zayn. Yes, Yes, I know I never expressed my true feelings to you. Yet, I always expected that you would see that love in my eyes. I wanted you to see how my body comes to life when you are with me. I wanted you to see that my eyes search for you, my hands crave for your hands and my lips want to touch your skin. I wanted you to see how my soul has asked for just one thing; your love. You came in like a calm breeze in my life but you became the only fraction of air that I needed to breathe.

Zara, I tried really hard to push myself away from you. I tried ignoring the feeling of love but the more I tried, the greater was the attraction. I don't care if I live or die in the next minute but what I would care forever, is to see you happy. The day you got engaged with Zayn was the same day when I came to propose you. I remember how I felt because no one can ever forget how heartbreak feels like. I broke glasses too and self-harmed as well. I cursed myself for loving someone who didn't love me back. But, nothing....... Nothing changed the feelings that I had for you. I had loved you then and I love you, now."

"Louis......."

"Shshshhshshhshshhs" He places his fingers on my lips. "I searched for you in other people, but couldn't find you. Zara, Love never dies. My love for you will never die. Today, I ask you Zara, to love me back. Forget whatever has happened and I will forget that too. We can start up a life together. I will love you forever. I will mend your heart with my love. I don't want anyone else now to take your hands, or kiss your lips, or have your heart because I want it to be mine only. Take my hand, Zara, and I will take you away from all these sorrows and give you the love that you deserve. My life is nothing without you. Please, Zara, be mine." Louis raises his hand towards me.

Tears crowd my eyes. Listening to this love confession is already killing me. I lose my self-control again. I run upstairs as fast as I can. I know he is following me but I go towards the poolside and close the glass door that blocks Louis from coming towards me. With the glass wall between us, I see his swollen red eyes and tears rolling down his cheeks. He places his hands on the glass at the same place where my hands are. I feel the warmth of his hands. Maybe, this is what I wanted. Maybe, this is the love that I was searching for. But then, in a jiffy, I turn my back to the glass door and slide down to the floor, crying. What is life doing to me?

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