Once Upon A Time, A Thousand Tears Ago #Wattys2017

Chapter 57: Toxicity

Chapter 57: Toxicity

I wake up lying on the cold tiles of the poolside. My head hurts as it was cushioned by the glass door throughout the night. I move my head and see Louis lying next to me...... Not exactly next to me. there's a glass wall in between us. He slept at the same place where I left him. I could see his tear-stained face, showing his tiring journey. He said he loved me. A tear escapes my eyes again. How can he love me? But he went through a lot. He suffered a lot, probably just the way I am suffering. What's the cure of this suffering? LOVE. Love is the only cause and desire of everything that's happening. It was in this moment when I realized that the only medicine for my pain or for his pain is Love. The thing that has caused me this pain is the cure of it too. But here lies the eternal problem. Only the love of the person who has caused this pain can heal me. Similarly, if I'm the cause of Louis' pain, then only my love can heal him. He said he searches for me in every face. Just the way, I search for Zayn's love everywhere. But what are we both going to do now. I can never love anyone now and Zayn won't ever love me back. Louis won't ever love anyone else and I can't fall in love with Louis. What a mess? Why can't the person we love just simply fall in love with us? I always feared love. The reason why I never fell in love was same. I used to think that what if I fall for the other person and he doesn't fall for me. This is what happened here.

I get up gradually straightening my clothes and open the door slightly. Louis wakes up too and stands up. We both look at each other not knowing what to say. I turn to walk away when he holds my hand. "Zara, I love you." No one can know how much I have craved for these words but not from him. I have suffered rejection so I don't know how to reject someone. "Louis, I don't know what to say. Even if he doesn't love me, I am married to him. I love him, Louis."

"This hurts." He smiles playfully. "I can wait for you until you get a divorce from him."

"No, Louis, please. Don't say that." The word divorce makes me cringe. "I don't want to get divorced."

"Why, Zara? He doesn't love you. He used you. You don't have to wait to fulfill his selfish desires. I can pay whatever money will be required for contract annulment. I'll take you away from all this nonsense and we'll live the best life that you ever dreamt."

"Louis,,,,, I love him. I don't know how to un-love him. I don't know how to tell him that whatever he's doing with me is wrong. The only thing I know is I can't stop loving him. He hurts me and I know that. It hurts to see him with anyone else. But I can't imagine myself with anyone else." I hug him as I sob. "I care for you and for your love, Louis. But I am not suitable for you. Even if you take me away from everything, how can I take him out of my heart? He'll stay with me. The scars that he gave me will stay with me. I don't want to be in your life with someone else's bruises."

"Zara, my love, bruises don't hurt. Toxic relationships do. There's nothing left between you and him. It's pure toxin. The more time you take to finish this thing between you two, the more intoxicated your life becomes."

He hugs me. Probably, for the first time in forever, someone who loved me truly hugged me. A hug of love soothes you in ways you can't imagine. He was warming my nerves and instilling me with sanity. I wanted to stay here but on the other hand I wanted to get away too. If Zayn was toxic for me, I was toxic for Louis too. I had to get away from him.

Doorbell rings and I move away from Louis so that he can check at the door. After sometime, I hear some familiar voices. Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn enter the room where I was.

"God, where have you been, Zara?" Harry asks me smilingly. I want to answer but I don't know what to say exactly. Zayn is glancing at me too; he looks worried. Is he worried for me?

"What's up guys? Why are you people searching for me." I inquire lightly.

"Zara, we are launching the album tomorrow. Didn't Zayn tell you?" Niall asks me.

I look at Zayn once again. "He never tells me anything on earth." I smile.

"C'mon, there's a press conference today and a few signings. Get ready for it. You'll be able to do it, right?" Liam asks me genuinely.

"I can handle anything now." I smile wider.

"Ok then, we are going to our stylist first and then we'll be off to our conference and for God sake, keep your cell phone alive. It's always unreachable." Harry informs me about the schedule of the day. I smile in response.

Now, I noticed why scarred people smile so often. They don't want others to bombard them with questions when a simple smile can block all queries. It's true then, a smile can do wonders.

"Are you okay, Zara?" Zayn asks me, finally. I smile in response while looking into his eyes. He wasn't able to look back so he chooses to walk away. We don't talk anymore.

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