him//joey birlem

ten

i looked back at the road and i felt my heart sink to my stomack. I saw a cute couple walking in front of me. It sended my mid straight to Joey. I feel bad for him. He has to keep "us" a secret for everyone just because of my stupid parents. I fear that he might break up with me because of my parents, but i don't want to loose him. I love him. I wish that him and i could show "us" to the world, and just be happy. I looked at the couple, who still hadent passed me. Just the look that they gave eachother, before they kissed, was enough to bring the tears up to my eyes. I closed my eyes roughly as i tried to push them back down again, but i couldent. They escaped my eyes and were now, slowly, running down my red cheeks. I walked faster so that i finnally could pass them and i woulden't have them in front of me anymore. I wiped my tears away with my hands as i crossed the road and speed walked to the beach. I walked up, close to the water, and sat down on the dry sand with my chkn resting on my arms, that were resting on my knees. I was looking at the endless sea and just wishing for my wish to come true. "i just wish i would have a normal life and be happy. I don't want to feel the pain inside of me anymore. I want to feel happy for fucks sake! Be happy with my beautiful boyfriend and my parents, who i wish would just change." I kept repeating those same sentances in my head as the tears kept streaming down my cheeks. After staring at the beautiful waves from the sea, in what felt like forever, i finally decided to look at the time on my phone. It was 7pm. I have been here for 4 hours. I also had 20 missed calls from my mom and over 50 missed calls from Joey. I decided that i should get back home now, so i did. I got up and started walking back to my house slowly. I arrived to my house after about 15 minutes. I walked inside and to my left, in the livingroom, i saw my mom, my dad, Joey and his parents. I assumed y eyes were still bloodshot, red from crying as they all were staring at me, right in the eyes. I didn't say anything and just walked up to my room.  

 I locked my door and walked up to my closet. I wanted to change in to something more comftrable, 

i put on that^^ and i took my shoes off so i only had my white socks on. I sat on the chair, by my makeup desk and i took all of my makeup off. As i was doing that i was looking ar my bloodshot eyes. They were so red! I don't think i have ever felt this broken and sad before. And i have defenetly never cried this much before. I braided my hair in to two french brades, then i sat on my bed and grabbed my phone. I saw a text from Joey. It said:

Joey: Vanessa are you ok? Do you want me to come upstairs to you?
Vanessa: no, im fine.
As you can probably see i was lying. I wasent fine. What kind of stupid question was that Joseph? What was he even thinking while writing that? I came inside crying and he knew exactly why i was crying. So why ask me that question? He knows im not fine. And even though i told him to not come upstairs i still want him to come up here. I noticed something on my nightstand. I looked at it and saw that it was a picture. A picture of me and my parents. It was so old though. I was a baby in it. I grabbed the picture and looled at it. I looked so happy in it. I felt the tears press their way out of my eyes again. It was impossible to hold them back, so i just let them run down my, fire warm, cheeks. I just want to feel happynes in me again. I am sick of feeling hurt and broken! Its like i have forgotten what "happy" feels like. I kept starring at the picture with tears still escaping my eyes, as i lifted my other hand up and grabbed the top corner of the picture. I slowly placed my other hand on the other edge and slowly started to tear it apart. It felt like i was tearing my heart too but i ignored it and threw the peices where they belong. In the trash. Because this family is trash. I heard a peep noice. I knew right away that it was Joey that was texting me again. So i grabbed my phone to see what he wrote.
Joey: open the door.
You wont understand how hard i tried to smile at that text but i just coulden't.