𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐌

sorry

V E N U S C A D A L O R A

ACT ii

chapter twelve; sorry

i haven't answered mars' calls. i felt terrible to ghost him like that, but i had to.

my mother- although still burdened from her nephew's death- has still excitedly planned the wedding.

although i had this realization, i still knew that i loved mars more than jax. i knew mars more than jax. i know his birthday, his favorite color, how whenever he's thinking he'd slightly stick his tongue over the corner of his lip, i even know he's mother's favorite song; your song from elton john.

i felt guilty for jax. he was fully invested in marriage. he was ready to settle down. the thing is that we barely know each other. i didn't know why they planned it; if it was for press or whatnot, but i knew that we'd never be happy together. we didn't even like the same type of show or books. hell, he barely read.

jax didn't want to see the world. he was a business man. i could see him somehow filling in my father's shoes of being a CEO of cadalora enterprises. i didn't want to become my mother. i love her, but i could see how life had seared her down and drained her.

i remember when she was full of life. when i was maybe five, she and i would drive out to the boardwalk and we'd get some ice cream while the sun would set, light bounced off from the waves.

the past is over though. my mother didn't do much except play housewife. we never went as a family to the boardwalk, the place soon turned into a hangout for kala, poppy, and i.

every once in a while i'll feel nostalgia creep up when my feet is in the sand and the waves crash against each other, and i miss that. if i could, i'd take it back.

of course, i took it to reality to see that so much has in fact changed. it started with how i finally realized that i was sitting in front of several different bouquets of flowers, none of them appearing to my liking. i wasn't interested in what flowers i'd be throwing into the crowd.

"do you have any roses?" i asked, lightly tapping my shoes against the floor as the florist looked around for a moment.

"we have daisies and carnations." the florist timidly replied.

i looked to see the pink carnations. some of them were more pigmented than the other and the daisies all looked alike. neither interested me very much.

"the carnations are nice." i nodded my head as the florist smiled at my decision.

"excellent choice." the florist replied as she will only walked away.

"smile venus, you look so sad." my mother sighed as i shook my head.

"there's been a lot on my mind lately." i looked over at her for a moment.

"you're getting married! it's a wonderful day, don't stress my child." her eyes lit up as i gave her a fake smile. i didn't want to ruin it all, so i just pulled a facade.

they started to set out center pieces, and i felt tired. i felt as though if i was in married, i'd somehow be trapped. i've always wanted to travel, get so fucking stoned that i didn't remember a thing from the previous night, just do anything and everything before i was truely an adult, and i wanted to do all of that with mars.