sick in love

what's stopping me.

it's friday afternoon and i just got home from school.

as soon as i stepped into the kitchen for a glass of water i became short of breath, like i had just ran a mile.

"david?" my mom looks up from the laptop, where she sat at the table. "are you okay?" she asks, fearfully.

"yeah," i breathe, "i think i just need to sit down," i say becoming a little light headed.

she stands from the other side of the table and sits next to me, placing her hand on my back.

i leaned my head into my hands on the table as she rubbed my back.

"mom it sucks. i can't do tennis this season or anything really," i say.

she sighs, "i know."

"and i'm always so tired."

"i know."

"and i want to tell my friends, i really do, but i don't want them to be sad, i don't want them to focus all their time on me because i know that's what they'll try to do."

"david."

"mom i don't want them to be sad. i don't want it. even the teachers are pitying me."

"david!" she raises her voice and grabs my hands that i was rubbing my face with, i didn't realize when i was talking that i was breathing so hard. "listen to me," she says. "it's your choice to tell them. i only told your principal so that they would excuse your absences and not fail you for being gone for so many days. your friends stand by you if you're sick or not, so tell them if you will, but the only reason they will treat you differently is because they think you're delicate, and you can tell them that you are not fragile."

"i'm just so stressed," i say. she wraps her arms around me and i sit there, caught off guard with my shaking hands still out where she was holding them. i relax and rest my head in her shoulder, hugging her tightly back.

she pulls away and stands, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. i grab my bag off the floor and set it on the table, pulling out the loads of homework. i pulled at my hair, stressing even more.

she sets the glass in front of me and i quietly thank her. then the doorbell rings and i almost forgot liza was coming over.

my mother goes to open the door and as always greets her.

"hey mrs. dobrik, i am here to save your sons life," she announces.

"oh really?" my mother says with a chuckle.

"yes, i am going to help him get his loads of homework done so that we can finally hang out normally again," she says with pride, while giving me a look.

i knew her tone meant she was just playing around, but i was in no mood to play around. i wanted to be done.

"ok," my mom says.

my mother takes her laptop upstairs and leaves us alone, i never got why she did this, i didn't mind her presence.

"so what's first?" liza asks.

i sigh pointing to the math. better to get the hardest done first right?

i was too frustrated to talk and i would hate myself for snapping at her.

"okay tell me how much of it that you do get."

i take a deep breath and calmly tell her the extent of my knowledge.

"well that was it, you already got the answer," she says confused, "what made you think you didn't understand this?"

"the teacher just went all over the place and i was so confused," i answer. "or i was just really out of it, i haven't been able to focus lately."