sick in love

the comeback

as a seventeen year old who has barely showed up to school this past month, i still have many friends. most i don't talk to on a daily basis, but that didn't make them any less of my friends.

"david!" she runs and jumps into my arms on sight. i instantly smile and hold the curly headed small girl back. "i'm so happy you're back, i always miss you when you're sick. are you feeling better?"

i can feel the happiness grows inside me. i loved it when she said things like this. "yeah," i answer her question, maybe lying a little bit.

"oh i'm so glad." she was like that, always sweet to everyone. i wish i could hug her more and tell her how much is going on, but i can't.

i wanted to fucking tell her. 'i love you liza koshy and nobody else does like i do.'

i wanted to tell her how sick i really was. with the weekly doses of chemotherapy i would be attending school more, no longer 'staying home sick', but sick everyday and everywhere.

only a few people knew about my heartfelt crush on the liza koshy. this past year has sucked for her. i watched as she got her heart shattered into pieces by two completely different pieces of shit. i had to watch and i couldn't do anything about it except comfort her and tell her how worthless those boys really were. and both times i got my heart broken because she didn't consider i liked her and even the thought of her going out with somebody else made me hurt, but it was my fault. i wish it was as obvious to her as it was to the people who knew.

gabbie and alex. they knew. they always knew. since fucking freshman year and now we're juniors and i haven't said shit, but my feelings are worse and i can say i really do love her. and she's all i've been stuck on since.

it also made me kind of upset that she didn't really run to me when she was sad. i wish she knew i'd do anything to make her happy and i would always want to comfort her... but not now. now i needed my friends more than anything.

class sucked ass and i've never wished to get out of here faster. i was feeling so drowsy.

"hey man." alex nudges me as we sit in algebra two. "good to see you're back, i thought you were dying," he chuckles quietly as the teacher goes on about reviewing point intercept form from algebra one. he laughed like it was a joke, but i swallowed hard knowing i really could actually be dying. how brutal.

i nervously laugh back, "yeah me too," i say.

the bell rings and i get up, mindlessly picking up the homework sheet on the way out until i was stopped.

"david you seemed a little unfocused today.. is something going on?" the wise math teacher asked.

"just getting back from being sick, that's all, just adjusting," i answer. i wondered if the school would be aware of my condition.. i guess it wasn't all that important to them.

"okay, carry on," mr. tismay says. i nod and shove the math paper into my clustered bag of missing work, with all the days i was missing the work continued to add up.

i exit the fourth period classroom and walk slowly to the lunchroom. we had open lunch, but my three loyal friends always decided to sit at a specific table and stay at school for lunch.

i sit with no lunch tray in hand. i couldn't handle choking down anymore food, i would feel like i had to throw up.

"hey dave," gabbie says and i give her a small wave. someone's feet kick mine from under the table and i look up, liza shoots me a smile to which i gladly return.

"how are you guys?" i ask.

"okay mr. nice guy, what are your games?" gabbie asks a question immediately in return.