sick in love

incredulity

i greet gabbie at the front of the school and she pulls me for an embrace. it was like this everyday since i slipped the truth and told her.

i appreciate every moment of it, she was the substitute of liza, who still wasn't talking to me.

if only she knew, god i wish i could tell her. i mean, i wish i had the guts to tell her.

gabbie has tried and tried and tried to convince me to just spill, but i couldn't, i was scared.

she had held my hand for the past two chemo treatments. one being when she found out, and two being just last week.

"i don't know if i can do it today gabbie," i say.

"you'll make it through this, i promise," she says.

"gabbie," i start, "i just wanted to let you know how much i appreciate you being there for me, there's not really much i can do in return. i'm extremely grateful for a friend like you."

"thanks david, ditto."

i smiled a little.

we had made it clear on several occasions that we would never date and we weren't interested in each other. gabbie had a stern standard, she liked a few types of boys and their qualities mattered. boy oh boy did i not fit. i didn't care anyways. we were strictly stuck in a platonic zone. i was glad she was there.

...

same questions, same doctor, same weight, same cancer.

"all is well," same saying.

and every time from when she found out, she held my hand, never leaving my side, but also making time for herself. i was so happy to have a friend like this.

"you're going to have to tell her sometime," she mumbles as i lose grip to her hand.

i grip her hand tighter again mumbling back to her, "i just need more time."

...

granted, gabbie gave me more time and i still had a pang in my heart for her, liza, but not for alex, she called it cuts for him.

alex has been only a little silenced since his grandma died. he didn't take it so hard because of the heavy amount of time he was able to spend with her and that he was aware.

gabbie said we needed an intervention, but at my house. just the three of us, alex, gabbie, and i. and i wasn't looking forward to what i suspected she had planned.

so here we sit in the empty living room on a thursday, the family was not here, i'm not actually sure where they were today.

"david if you're not going to tell liza, you are going to tell him," gabbie says.

"i- i can't do that gabbie," i'm sure my eyes were filled with guilt and empathy.

"tell me what?" alex asks, curious.

"as you know, liza has a firm belief that david has been keeping something from her," she trails, "well alex, i'm here to tell you he has."

"gabbie seriously, not now."

how could she possibly think now was the time after he was still touchy about his grandmother? i couldn't do that. he absolutely deserved the right to know, but right now?

"yeah, but we all know that he likes her gabs," alex assumes he already knows the secret, to which my cheeks heat even in this time of worry.

"no, this is a different secret. one he has kept from us for quite a while. david..."