sick in love

i'll be there

the true meaning of don't forget me wasn't that she was gonna leave me behind, but closer to how i feared i would be gone before she could even leave me behind.

it was monday and i had shared no contact with liza since early saturday morning.

i worried she hated me. she would hate me more knowing what i had been keeping from her for so long.

i went about my classes, she didn't talk to me in chemistry, then came along lunch and... she didn't even sit with us.

"chill david she's just sitting with other friends for once," gabbie says.

"i know, i know," i say.

...

tuesday quickly came around and it was just like yesterday. liza ignoring me. no lunch with us, she never even made eye contact with me.

"david quit looking over there like she's some freak for not sitting with us, she has other friends," alex says.

i nod, trying to understand, but my fears were getting the best of me.

later in the day comes the annual doctor visit.

"all is well," dr. dullen says as he sticks the needle in.

like always, the odd feeling lingered after the weekly chemo therapy.

...

now it has been a week and she has not returned to the table, nor uttered a word to me.

gabbie pulls me aside as the last bell rings and the halls fill. i was just preparing for my weekly medication, pushing thoughts to keep me calm like the iv pushed the chemical treatment through my veins.

"okay, what the fuck is going on?" she asks.

"gabbie she won't even fucking look at me anymore, she hates me and it's tearing me apart," i respond to her desperately.

"what the fuck did you do?" she demands, pushing me up further against the wall.

they were obviously empty threats, but being as weak as i was, she terrified me and i couldn't do anything about it.

"well... you- you remember when everyone thought they had shit on me because they thought i was keeping a secret?" her grasp slips a little.

"you kept a secret from your best friend?" gabbie gasps and stares at me in disbelief.

"of course i have you moron, remember i've liked her since freshman year?"

gabbie completely lets go of me.

"oh," she says. "but there's no way. she said you've been acting up since you got sick."

"gabbie i have something to do today!" i try to push past her, avoiding the things she was saying.

"you tell me what the fuck is going on right now, or i'll tell liza you like her."

"you wouldn't," i say.

"i would, don't tempt me!" she says.

"gabbie i'm going to the doctors today, let me go! i'm going to be late!" i tell her.

the halls were empty by now.

"what for huh?" she asks.

"because i have fucking leukemia!" i blurt, my chest heaving. my stomach swirling with the anxiety that was building up.

"you- you what?" she asks.

"i- i," i scratch the back of my head. "i have leukemia gabbie," i sigh.