College Life: Freshman Year

13

Normani's POV

Ever since Carlos did what he did to me two weeks ago, I've been trying my hardest to get my life back to normal. Lauren broke her promise and told Choie's parents who had a few choice words for my mother or Mary as I call her now. I'd like to say that I've forgotten what happened to me, but I don't think I'll ever truly forget. It still effects every aspect of my life, especially my relationship with Lauren. Her and I haven't been intimate since before I was raped. It's not that we haven't tried, however. We actually try every night. A week ago, she was inside me and I started to cry and literally push her away. Her feelings were hurt, but I knew she understood why I did it. There are also times when I won't even let her look at my body. Before Carlos violated me, Lauren was the only one who had been inside me. A part of me feels like I failed her by allowing him inside. I should have fought back harder than I did.

Even though I haven't given her any type of sexual gratification, Lauren has been extremely supportive of me. She's been more affectionate and more attentive, if that's even possible. She tells me that I'm not going through this alone and that it's okay for me to cry because she's going to be there to wipe my tears away. I told her I want to marry her this summer and get our own place and she agreed. I will be Normani Jauregui this August and have an apartment with my wife in West Hollywood. Lauren and I will be with each other every night for the rest of our lives. She's going to protect me from him. She promised. I can't do it alone.

A tap on the shoulder interrupts my train of thought. "Normani, get your ass out of bed! It's 1 in the afternoon."

"Naturi, go to Hell," I tell her.

"I'm in West Los Angeles, surrounded by the snobs of Beverly Hills and Bel-Air. Trust me, Normani. This is Hell." She starts sifting through my closet for something for me to wear. "Son of a bitch, Normani. It's like Nordstrom exploded in here. Don't you have any clothes that aren't so preppy?"

"You should try wearing some of them. Maybe little children would stop crying when they saw you." I reply.

She jumps on the bed next to me. "God, I missed you, you prude."

"And I missed you too, you harlot."

She plants a kiss on my cheek. "I'm still the hot one," she tells me.

"You wish. Let's ask Lauren. Lauren, honey, love of my life, which one of us is hotter?"

"I plead the fifth," Lauren quickly answers.

"Burn!" Naturi says to me with her finger in my face.

"Lauren?" I tell her.

"What? I love you, babe, but Naturi looks like she can hurt me," Lauren answers.

I get out of bed and walk over to where Lauren is sitting. "I love you, Lobear."

"I love you too, Mrs. Jauregui," she tells me as she gently kisses me. "Now get in the shower and let's get ready to go. We're supposed to be at Choie's parents' house in two hours."

"Why do I have to go anywhere today?"

"Normani, over the past two weeks the only times you have left this room are to go to class. That's not good for you, sweetie. It's time to get out there again. Besides, Choie's parents live in Beverly Hills. That's only a few minutes away from here."

"Fine," I grab a pair of jeans and a tank that Lauren picked out for me.

"If you want, I can get in the shower with you," Lauren says to me in a flirtatious tone.

"Lauren, can't you just leave me the hell alone for five minutes? I don't need you around me all the time." I see the look of complete rejection on her face and can't help but feel guilty for treating her this way. I know what happened to me is taking a toll on her as well. She really doesn't know what to expect anymore. She doesn't know when I'm going to let her kiss me or when she's going to get pushed away. She doesn't know if I'm going to say 'I love you' or if I'm going to yell at her about something. I really don't want to be chasing her away like this. "Lauren, honey, I'm sorry. I'm just not ready for that yet."

"It's okay, Normani. Really. I'm just going to go now. You two just go on without me. I'll see you tonight." She leaves the room without even giving me a second glance.

"Way to go, Normani," Naturi tells me. "You just chased off the one person, other than me, who loves you more than life itself."

"Well, she shouldn't be forcing me to have sex with her."

"Oh my goodness, Normani. Is that what you think she was doing? Yesterday, when you were in the shower, we found you trying to cut yourself with your shaver. The reason she wanted to go in the shower with you today is to make sure you'd never do anything like that again. She wants to protect you, Normani."

"From what?"

"From yourself," Naturi answers as she starts to cry. "Normani, I know what it feels like. He did it to me, too."

"You bitch!" I shout at her. "Why didn't you protect me? I'm your twin! We've known each other since before we were even born."

"Why didn't you protect me, Normani?"

"I didn't even know. You just left so suddenly and you didn't even tell me why other than you couldn't handle Carlos anymore."

"I had to get out of there. It wasn't just once, Normani. It happened so many times that I lost count. Do you remember the time I went away for the weekend before graduation? I really didn't go to my friend's cabin. Carlos got me pregnant and I decided to have an abortion."

"Naturi," I hold her closer than I ever have before. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"I'm never going to leave you again, Normani. I promise. In a way, it all works out that Karen broke up with me. I'm getting my apartment in West Hollywood in a few days. It's a two bedroom. I was hoping you'd live with me during breaks. My sister-in-law is welcome to stay there too."

I smile for the first time today. "I love you, Twin 1."

"I love you, Twin 2. As the oldest—"

"By two minutes," I interrupt.

"Still. As the oldest, I command you to get ready so we can enjoy the day."

"Yes, captain."

I get ready as quickly as I can. There are some things that have to be done before I can go to Choie's. One of them is to get my fiancé back. I just hope I haven't pushed her away for good.