Love Conquers All

Chapter Fifteen.

Philip's POV

Im awake. Why am I awake? Any sane person would be asleep. Hell, even George is asleep and he has more trouble then I do.

His arms are wrapped my waist tightly and head on my chest. I slowly run my fingers through his hair and watch him silently.  Do I really love him? I see the way my parents act around eachother and they're hoplessly in love , George and I don't do that.

Every touch my parents do are soft and caring, carefuly planned out. Ours isn't.  We act on impulse, when pne of our feelings bubble over we turn to the other and mash our lips together.  Our touches are rushed and harsh, full of teeth and nails.

Do I really love him? I know he loves me, he fully admitted it back in the cave when he was loopy off of the pain ans the alchol to dull the pain. And his touches aren't as rushed, they're hesitant and carefull to not leave a mark. He craddles my cheek like its his life, and his eyes seem to brighten when he looks at me.

In all of our rushed kisses and touches and whatever we just did it, i have never taken the time to slow down and enjoy it. It never crosses my mind that this something deeper.  I don't think about the morning after or what we're going to do.  I wouldn't throw myself in front of an Arrow for him. Not like he did.

It's lust. All I feel for him is lust.

I look down at him.  His head is tucked just under my jaw, all the worry lines in his face are gone, it's like the world gave him back twenty years. The corners of his lips are turned up into a soft smile. His arms are tight but not too tight ,like hes scared of crushing me. There's finger nails down his back and curling around his shoulders. I spot a bite mark on his collar bone, the bite mark I left there.

Yet there's barely a mark on me, I can feel the lumps of bruises on my neck when I run my hand over my neck,but that's about it. I dont feel the sting of nail marks or dull thud of a bite mark. If anything I felt better then before.

Then I see it. Something I didn't see before.  The scars. I can't see them in the darkness,but if I rub my hand over his back I can feel the bumbs and rough edges of them. He gives a soft jolt and his eyebrows screw up, my hand travles up his neck and I pause. That's fresh.  Not bleeding but it was hours ago.

I can't be with him. I can't deal with that, I've seen dad. He wakes up howling in the middle of the nights, a night terror breaking his body, the fresh cuts across his back.  The tears. The blood. The pain. I see the panic in Pop's face, he's always worried and scared. I can't do that.  Pop's might be able to. But I can't.

I can't love this man.

Where's the shit eating Eaker I know? The one I can't stand. That think he's all tough shit. The one that lives in a mansion in the sky.That gets into fights with everyone . Is he dead? Or is he screaming and fighting inside. Or is it possible he's both? No. No he can't be. I want the mean one back, I want theone to fight with,physically fight.  To taungt and beat on.

I hate this George Eaker.

I prie his arms off of me and stumble out of bed. His eyes open slowly and he frowns,the universe takes those twenty years back and he looks like a man that's gone through too much shit again. He sits up slowly and watches me stumble around the room grabing for my things and clothes . He rub his back and flinches.

My Eaker doesnt feel pain. Hes a bull.  He's strong and mean and doesn't give two shits about anyone. Who the hell is this?

He stands slowly and grabsmy hand gently, like he's picking a flower.  I rip it back and sneer at him.

"Don't touch me." I seeth at him and he backs up a step.Panic,fear,concern, and hurt all flash across his face. I watch his Adam's apple bob when he swallows. His lips are bruised and puffy.

"I'm sorry." He says like he offended me. He did. "What'd I do?"

"Everything. "I sneer and shove clothes into a bag. " You did everything wrong! "

"Philip if this is about the story, im sorry..." He starts.

"It's not about the story! I couldn't give two flying fucks about the story! It's a stupid story!" I let the bag drop with a thud.

"Philip,come on, what's the matter?" He takes my hand again and presses soft kisses to my knuckles . "You can talk to me. I'm here for you."

"Alright, you want to know what's the matter?" I turn at him sharply.

"That's what I've been asking." He nods. " What's the matter?"

"I fucking hate you.  I've never hated anyone any more in my life then I hate you!" I back him up against a wall. "You're a sick bastered! No wonder you grew up in an orphanage! Who would want you? You're pathetic and manipulative, I don't care if you wanted anything more then sex,that's all I wanted and I got what I want. "

His eyebrows are screwed up and there are tears in his eyes, his head is cocked slightly to the left. He's never looked smaller or weaker. His knees are shaking and bending slightly.  I can't read his thoughts, I can't tell if he's thinking about how wrong he thinks I am or realising how right I am.

"You're broken. Who wants a broken toy? I sure as hell don't." I scoff at him and shake my head slowly. "Have you taken a look at yourself lately? Was it your daddy that gave you those? Or someone else who you thought actually cared about you?"

He opens his mouth to protest,my eyes catch on a white patch just above his lips.  Its about nine inches in diameter and thick with scarring. I slam my hand on the wall next to it and he jumps away. Tears run down his cheeks and his entire body shakes and shudders

"I pity whoever has to pick you up all the time, they should find a new friend .."

"She killed herself." He spits out." S-she killed herself because she couldn't take her life any more."I glare lowly at him and my lip sneers.

"I guess she proved that death is better then a life with you ." I turn and pick up my bag." Come on. Get dressed. Let's get to the castle today, I can see it from here. I'll be waiting outside . "

I turn and walk swiftly out side, lettingthe door slam shut behind me.