Unfortunately I Know Everything

Still here

Soundtrack of the Chapter:

"Still here-digital daggers"

Insurgent Official Trailer "See what I've become"

*** Nathaniel's POV***

I stayed in my car waiting for Sue to answer her phone. I honestly didn't want to be here right now, or ever. I had made myself clear to Sia and to myself. I wasn't going to see her again. I was about to keep my distance. I wasn't about to talk to her again. Then why was I here in front of her house risking to see her again and lose my strength? If only Su hadn't forgotten her gift at my house today when she came home for a movie.

Faith works in such a weird and unfair way. Even though any sort of relationship between Sia and I is completely forbidden, Faith still makes sure that at some point we end up seeing each other. The more I run away, the more she comes back or I unconsciously find my way back to her. It is one constant maze , I can't get out.

Sue is not answering her phone. I waited and I still do, but then I see the door opening. The guy from Mike's Doughnuts comes out. After him Sia, who stays on the door looking after him. Maybe she already moved on. Could she have moved on so quickly? I stay there looking at her trying to keep myself calm. I am overwhelmed by jealousy but I am not the one who can judge, I am more wrong than Sia could ever be. I pray that she just goes inside and doesn't see me.

Shit! Too late. She turns exactly towards my car and I know she knows it's me. Please go back inside, Su will come out, take the gift and you two girls will just go on partying and have a normal, fun night. But God, that girl is so stubborn, she just knows what she wants even though she knows she can't have it. She doesn't know though, I am both already hers and also so not hers. She has headed my way. I feel confused. Should I go or should I stay? When will I start taking serious decisions? I can't stay here, I can't face her and keep my distance at the same time. I know I don't have that much strength.

I start the engine, she starts jogging towards me. I am left undecided. Not switching the gear I let the car move downwards on the street slowly.

"Nate wait!"

Sia's scream wakes me up from my thoughts, brings me back to the dark night where she is just behind my car, running. I stopped in an instant, awaken. Or maybe I am the opposite. Maybe I haven't been awaken but I have been put asleep. I am in a commatose under her spell. Her words didn't wake me, but rather hypnotized me, because I can't keep on thinking logically. I look at the rear-view mirror and I see her staring at me. I bet she doesn't see me through the window, at least not literally. However, her eyes stare at me, she speaks to me soundless, she doesn't need to see me to connect to me. I feel her like the blood that runs inside my veins; it is the connection that I will find nowhere else.

My feet are not under my control, I can't think straight. I get out of the car, even though I think that it might be a mistake.

The moment I look at her she runs towards me ready to dissolve in my arms... I put my hand between her and me before she jumps in my arms. I stop her from coming closer and she is taken by surprise. I am also taken by surprise that I found the strength to keep my distance.

I swallow not knowing what to say.

"What are you doing here?" she takes control over the dialogue.

"Sue called me. She forgot your gift at my place earlier," I said struggling with controling my desire.

"You look tense," she noticed.

"Should I look relaxed?" slipped out of my mouth.

"After your OWN choices," she highlights the word "own" and goes straightforward. "you must be relaxed, yes."