crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction

chapter 1

TYSM @MyNameIsL0uren FOR MAKING THE COVER OF THIS ITS SO GOOD AND I HOPE NEW READERS LIKE IT WOWOWOWOW

bianca's pov

it's 10:45. "goodnight, mom,. love you," i say. "goodnight, bianca. i love you too," she responds, her nose stuffed up. i go up to my bedroom and sit on my bed. i hear my mother's muffled crying though the thin walls of the house, even though she is downstairs. it's been like this for about a month. since my father died, ive been trying to act happy for her. im not happy. i want to die. ive been depressed since about 7th grade. my mom think's ive been doing really good, but im really just putting on a smile for her. my thighs still have fresh scars, i still have a rope in the closet, and i still wish for death every day. i lay on my bed for about an hour until i cannot hear my mom's whimpers. i pull on a pair of black jeans and a pink t-shirt. i leave my hair down and put on only mascara. i grab my phone and open my window and leave it unlocked so i can get back in. i walk to the other side of the roof and scale the lawn furniture silently. ive been repeating this same schedule for the whole summer, so hopping the fence is like second nature. i never really do much out here, just roam the streets or star gaze. by the time i get out, everyone is already either at a party or at home and not leaving again, so im alone anyways. nobody ever sees me at school, at work, or anywhere else. im used to being alone. i walk through cul-de-sacs and streets where young children are fast asleep. i walk through the street next to mine, which is my favorite one to walk. it is usually deserted. something felt off tonight. i heard a small amount of creaking from above. when i looked up, i saw a boy who seemed to be about my age. he was sitting on the roof of his house, his legs dangling off the edge. i stopped to take his looks in. he had straight, blond hair. he was wearing black ripped jeans and an oversized shirt. he didnt notice my staring, he just continued to smoke a cigarette that smelled funny and write things in a notebook. i kept walking home.

gus's pov

this is my favorite time of the day. ive been doing it forever. i sneak out the window and chill alone on the roof. it gets really lonely, but i dont mind. my legs hang off the edge. i enjoy the risk of falling. i dont really want to be alive. i stay alive for my mother, the only person who has ever really loved me. i have been trying to write music lately and it has been helping with my suicidal thoughts. i spark up my blunt. i automatically relax when i pull it up to my mouth, even before i inhale. i can feel the kush seeping into my lungs. as i sit on the roof, blowing smoke and laughing at nothing, i feel someone watching me. i try to ignore it. the feeling passes.

TIME SKIP TO THIS TIME TM

i relax when my weed enters my body. i lay down, taking hits out of the blunt. the stars were really pretty. i feel uneasy, all of a sudden. the feeling of being watched, just like last night. i pull out my switchblade and keep it next to me, just in case. my hands begin to shake. i try to calm down, but nothing is really working. i sit up and look around. eventually, i see a girl sitting on the side of the road across from my house. i watch her for a little bit. she really was beautiful. she had smooth brown hair and a nice body. she finally notices that i have been watching her. she looks startled. i feel bad for scaring her. i wave my arm, knowing she can see it. she looks confused and walks closer. i gesture for her to climb up with me. surprisingly, she scales the house silently with no problem.  "hey," i start awkwardly. "hi," she says. 

"im gus," 

"im bianca"

"that's a really pretty name"

"thank you," she blushes. she looks me up and down. not in a judgmental, bitchy way. just to decide if she'll talk to me or not, i guess. her eyes fall on my switch.i  immediately feel bad. i blabber "oh my god, um im not gonna hurt you or anything i just... i felt you watching me and i keep one on me just in case and i thought maybe-" until she cuts me off. "no, no. its alright. i would pull a blade too." "arent you scared of falling, gus? your feet are hanging off the edge and if you slip you could die," she says nervously. "no. i like the risk," i say and i wouldnt mind falling. "you dont have to sit like this if you dont want to," i tell her. "no, its nice. i like it. i usually roam the streets, not sit on the roof," she smiles. i spark a new blunt. "do you want any?" i offer. she looks confused. "what do you mean?" she asks. i laugh a little bit. "its just kush, nothing crazy." "oh, ive never tried it before" she says hesitantly. "its ok if you dont want any, im not going to pressure you," i clarify. you didnt need to add that extra information.  "is it ok if i try it? i mean, i dont want to bother you or like, use it up or anything," she says. "you arent going to use it all, trust me," i chuckle (I HATE THAT WORD SM IM SORRY) as i pass her the blunt. "you put it in your mouth and breath in. puff puff pass," i explain. we pass the weed for about 15 minutes, making it easier to talk. "what do you keep in that notebook?" she asks. "oh, nothing much," i tell her. you know damn well that isnt true.  "are you going to go to the school down the street?" i ask. "yeah, you?" "yeah, i dont really like school but i have to get an education," i say. or because youre afraid the music wont work out. we talk for about 35 more minutes.  she checks the time on her phone. "shit! i gotta go, sorry gus. i really liked hanging out, could we do it again sometime?" of course i pounce on this opportunity. "yeah, i really liked it too. you could come over tomorrow if you want. but because you smoked with me, youre gonna want to know how to make the high wear off faster. put your number in my phone and i'll text you in a little bit," i say. "ok, good idea," she says as i hand her my phone. she quickly types her number in. "thanks again. i'll see you tomorrow, gus. bye," she says as she puts her phone away. "goodbye, bianca," i say, and with that, she was gone.         (if its just italics and switching pov its texting)

gus: hey

bianca: hey

gus: this is gus btw

gus: roof boy

bianca: ohh that makes sense lmao

gus: were you able to get home even though you're high?

bianca: yeah 

bianca: i was actually a lot calmer tbh

gus: lmao yeah thats why i like this strain

gus: we only shared one blunt but you might still be a lil high in the morning bc its 1:30 already

gus: www.wikihow.com/how-to-not-seem-high/dhiHBci/16KBI938

gus: that link should show you how to seem sober

bianca: omg thank you

bianca: my mom would KILL me if she knew i smoked w you tn lol

bianca: or with anyone. not you specifically

gus: my mom would too, truss me

bianca: gtg

bianca: gn

gus: gn

ok guys idk how i feel about this. should i keep the chapters this length or make  them longer or shorter or what. also im aware that i SUCK at writing. in my head this idea was sick but i dont know if it turned out that way soooooooooooo