gus pov
she looks nervous. im not sure why. because you did something. "holy shit," i say as i notice a gash on her head. she looks confused. i reach out to see if its bleeding and she flinches really hard. its not like i would ever hurt her on purpose. "chill a little," i say casually as i try to examine the wound on her head. "im sorry it wont happen again," she says automatically. i squint at her. "what is this about?" "i cant tell you," "baby, you can tell me anything." she just shakes her head. "not this," she breathes. tears fill her perfectly green eyes. i pull her close to me and she rests her head on my chest as she softly cries. "i-im sorry-i just-im-i cant believe im falling apart i-," she hiccups. i ruffle her hair. "you're gonna be alright," i say, using the words that she used when she saved me. (you guys im lowkey abt to cry over them ugh) "i love you more than you know, okay?" she tells me. oh my god. please, no. she is the reason i am here right now, i wouldve killed myself months ago if it werent for her. she is my reason. i'm engulfed in a blanket of goosebumps. "maybe you'll know why someday. it's really for you. i can-" she pauses to control the shaking in her voice. "-i cant tell you right now. but you are the one i love. even though im..." she trails off, tears soaking her face. my fingers brush over her cheekbones. she recoils. "its not you its something else," she clarifies quickly, as if she is afraid of what i might do. my head is pounding. i feel a single tear roll down my face. she pulls my forehead to hers. "gustav elijah ahr, i love you more than you could ever imagine," she whispers. i can feel my heart being ripped out of my chest. "if you love me, why are you breaking me?" i ask softly. "i dont want to, gus. please believe me, this is the last thing i want to do," she says, her voice raw and tired. she sounds even more broken than i do. "if you need me, you have me. even if you dont want...us, you have me, ok?" i say reassuringly. she nods. "and if you need me, im here. i will always be right here," she whispers. i nod. she pulls her lips to mine, kissing me slowly. "are you sure you arent gonna regret leaving me?" i ask lightly. she smiles sadly. "babe, i already do," she says. she climbs down carefully. after she leaves, i hate myself more than i ever have. stay strong for her. i climb down to my room. i pop 3 xanax without hesitation. i want more, but i dont want to OD tonight. i search around my room for the small baggie and a credit card. when i finally find my cocain, i snort 3 lines. i lean out the window and smoke some more kush. before i know it, im texting tracy.
gus: i blew it with bianca
tracy: :((((((
gus: she's gone. i really did it this time.
tracy: that girl is in love with you.
gus: then why did she leave?
tracy: she says she isnt ready to talk about it. it isnt you, peep. she is in love with you. she said she wants to protect you.
gus: you knew?
tracy: i knew 5 minutes before she told you, there was nothing i could do.
gus: i hate myself. why do i have to ruin everything? im a waste of oxygen.
tracy: dont talk about yourself like that. it wouldve driven her crazy.
gus: youre right
tracy: get high. it might help
gus: ive already popped 3 xans, smokes 7 blunts, and did 3 lines of coke
tracy: gts. be careful. dont hurt yourself or anyone else.
gus: ok
i didnt realize how tired i was until i fell into my bed and the comforter swallowed me whole.
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crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction
Fanfiction(i might not put apostrophes bc thats a lot of work) (lowercase is on purpose) bianca's pov it started back in high school. i saw him sitting on the roof. i couldnt keep my eyes off of him while he wrote in a notebook, or started at the sky, or...
