crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction

chapter 15

HOLY SHIT GUYS ALMOST 500 READS???!!!??? thats so crazy omg i expected to get like 2. i still think this story sucks and i need some ideas about new chapters to write. i ask for suggestions and feedback every time but you guys are no help ugh (jkjkjkjkjk im not being ungrateful)  anywayssssss lemme know how this chapter is PLEASE. also skip like two days and lets say monday is a teacher work day? idk i just dont know how im writing lucas back into the story (sorry y'all he is a main conflict hahaha)

gus pov

i hate lucas with a burning passion.

i really do. he hurt her so bad, in more ways than one. i really just wish he would fuck off and push his way out of bianca's life the same way he came in. according to bianca, my mom and i are the only people who know it even happens and i'm the only one who's seen the marks he left. he has been texting her, apologizing and begging for another shot. of course, bianca is too good to see through him, but i know that it's all bullshit. he just wants an in and then he'll make sure not to be caught again. 

skip to the roof lmao our fav

"gus, i dont think im ready," bianca says after a little while. "that's ok," i reply. "no, not just him. i dont think i'm ready for us, either. even though it hurts i just can't-" she pauses, breathing deeply. "-i can't do it just yet." "that's alright. i wouldn't be ready, either," i say soothingly. "i don't want you to think that i don't love you or need you or anything, though. i just.. i tried to be ready but im just not," she stammers. "do you want me to wait?" "i feel like that's too much to ask," "it's not. i'm here, i'll always be here. even if i have little flings or go to clubs, you're still the one i want, ok?" "ok." we sit in silence for a few moments. soon, we are passing a joint and laughing together. we continue like this for about an hour. "bianca, i want you to call me if you're feeling alone. if you want to hurt yourself, or pop pills, or down a bottle of tequila, call me. or call tracy. or call brooke. just call someone. ma, i don't need you dying on me," i say before she leaves. her skin gleams in the moonlight. her emerald eyes shone. "i'll try, i really will. but what about you?" "worry 'bout yourself, baby. i'll be fine," "please don't OD," "i'll try," "gus, i love you," she says, her tone serious. "and i love you," i respond, my tone matching her's. she nods and climbs her way down. i watch her walk away in awe. how can one being drive me so crazy? i climb down to my room and stare at my bottles of pills. dont take one, take them all! no. i promised her i would try. try what? try a new drug? sounds gr8! i want to die, but i can't OD. i need to stay alive for bianca. bianca doesnt care about you. nobody does. yes she does. no she doesnt. take the xanax bars. swallow the ecstacy tablets. smoke more weed. snort the cocaine. she never cared. yes she did. no she didnt. i drag myself towards the drugs. 4 xannies wont hurt, right? the pills feel scratchy against the back of my throat as i dry swallow them. i work on a few songs for LiL PEEP Part 1. my head is killing me and my eyelids grow heavy. maybe this time i won't wake up.

skip to school? idfk guys im outta (sight, outta mind) ideas for the weekend so lets say that gus hasnt taken anything else (except smoking weed) and bianca is trying but ya girl is struggling w those demons. lowkey though bianca is sorta relatable but anyways

bianca pov

when im waiting for the bell to ring, i feel a tap on my shoulder. i turn around and see lucas. "bianca, i'm really sorry. i just..i dont know. my dad always hit my mom and sometimes he hit me and i thought it was just a thing, you know? i thought it was ok. but it wasnt," he says softly, but with a cold undertone. yikes. "im just askiing you for another shot, ok?" he asks, the sharp, cold undertone is beginning to seep through. the bitter look in his icy eyes could cut a bitch. "ok," i reply. why do i always do this? i ruin myself and then complain about it. no wonder i have four friends. lucas was still lucas, but his gaze felt softer. his arm wrapped around my shoulder as we walked down the hall. his grip was warmer than it was before. maybe he had changed a bit. i see gus out of the corner of my eye. his eyes are dull, but he manages to give me a weak smile. i return the look and keep walking. why are you the way that you are?

gus pov time skip to tonight

5 xannies won't hurt me. taking 4 wasnt so bad. maybe it'll help. i down 5 bars and work on some music until my headache is too much to bear and my eyes are closing on their own.

short chapter broski hahahahahahaha. i think it sucked. but then again everything i do sucks bc i cant do anything right :)