crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction

chapter 10

THIS IS A SUPER LONG CHAPTER. skipping a week or so bc nothing significant really happened in that time. bianca and gus have been *hanging out* but not talking as much (LOOK AT MY FACE WHILE I FUCK ON YOUR WAIST CAUSE WE ONLY HAVE ONE CONVERSATION A WEEK) bc of the shit that happens in this chapter. lmao sorry. its on friday btw. also its sorta all over the place bc i wanted to fit all this info in one chapter. also trigger warning? maybe? idk

bianca pov

i get to school and immediately see tracy making out with a new girl. wow, t. what a GREAT first impression to make!!1! i keep walking to my first class. "who was that?" i ask as tracy walks in. "her name is cassie and she is new, i thought i should show her around," he shrugs. "i hope her tongue found what it was looking for in your mouth," i say casually. "i could say the same thing about you and peep," he shoots back. "eh, not the same," "it's totally the same," "it's not the same because gus and i make it very known that we are together." he groans and rolls his eyes are mrs. adams begins talking to the class. 

skip to lunch (our fav time) also gus was sent home for being high lmaoooo

i feel cool arms wrap around me from behind. "go away," i say as i try to push him off. "it's just me," lucas says as though it's perfectly normal. his hands begin to move up my front. i wriggle out of his grasp. "stop acting like that, bianca," he exclaims. i roll my eyes. suddenly, i feel his hand connect with my face. "you do as i say," he says bitterly. i just look at him, stunned. he smashes his face onto mine. i stay still. "kiss me back, bitch," he says against my mouth. i push him off. "i have a boyfriend," i say. "speaking of that faggot-" "dont call him that." he slaps me again. "dont interrupt me. speaking of him, you need to dump his ass," "you cant control me." i say. he slaps me for a third time and pulls me close to him. "you will do whatever i say, understood?" he spits in my ear. i nod slowly. "you need to dump your little satanist because you and i are going to be together now. you have a good body that i want to work to my advantage. if you try to get away, the sex will be more brutal and i will hit you harder. am i clear?" he says. i can feel rage and hurt building up inside me, but i have pushed my luck enough. "crystal," i say with my teeth gritted. i know one thing: i love gus and i dont want to hurt him. but what if i dont follow lucas's orders? he will hurt me AND  gus. its a lose lose situation. lucas turns around and stalks off. i can feel myself breaking down. i have to give it to him. i have to give up. i had to hand myself over to him, right? i can already miss gus. i havent even done it yet. maybe i should kill myself before any of it can happen. no, you selfish bastard. that would crush peep. you cant let them win. its the first time a voice in my head has been helpful. i feel like im gonna throw up or pass out. my palms are sweating and i suddenly feel like i cant hold myself up. i feel my face burn up. i start to breath quickly but deeply, like small gasps each time i take a breath. i try to breath deeply, but it makes it worse. my hands are shaking and my eyes fill with tears. i slip into the bathroom where i can be extremely anxious in peace. i finally get my tears and shaking under control, so i walk back out. tracy makes eye contact with me from across the hall. his eyes widen slightly . is it really that bad?  "yo, are you ok?" he asks. "im fantastic," i say with fake enthusiasm. "you look really pale and shaky, maybe you should chill out for a minute," he suggests. i shake my head. "its just anxiety," i explain quietly. "why are you this anxious?" "it just happens sometimes," i lie. it doesnt get bad like this often, only when something is really bad. which it is. "mhm, bet," he says. welp, i was obviously NOT a very good actor, but its not like i can just break down in the middle of the hall. "seriously though, are you ok?" he asks sincerely. you are ok. you just got hit a few times. you've been through much worse. "yeah, i guess," i finally decide on. "do you need gus?" no. anything but. i DO need him, but i need to distance myself from him so it wont be as hard when i have to end it. "no, im fine," i say reassuringly. i wish. he nods, but im not sure he is convinced. oh well. i trudge alone to my next class which CONVENIENTLY has lucas in it. "you are coming over tonight," he hisses in my ear as i walk to my seat. "no the fuck im not," i say. he grabs my arm tightly so i cannot move away. "you will do WHATEVER i say," he says, eyes filled with rage. my vision goes blurry as i prepare to say something, but he squeezes my arm tightly. it hurts. i just nod. after i sit down, the girl tracy was playing tonsil tennis with gives me a look. "hey," she starts. "hi," i stammer. "im cassie-violet, but cassie or cass is fine," "im bianca. arent you and tracy, like, together?" "eh, not officially. he says he really likes me but i've had people tell me that and not mean it," she says, eyeing me. did she see that little exchange? "you're his bitch, arent you?" a voice from behind me asks as she sits down. she is wearing black over-the-knee boots, fishnet stockings, and a black sweater-dress. she had purple hair in two thick dutch braids, a silver eye look (with black winged eyeliner), and pale skin. she is way cooler than you. "blair! " cassie hisses. the girl just shrugs. "im blair," she says. "are you his bitch?" she asks, nodding to lucas. great. "i mean.. well, i a- no im- well," i stammer, trying to fit the whole scenario into a sentence. they both look at me expectantly. "you could say that, i guess," i say, trying to act casual. "you let him touch you like that?" cassie asks, wide eyed. "it's a really long story," i whisper, trying to save myself a shred of dignity. "text me about it," they say at the same time. we all exchange numbers. lucas look over at me. i shudder and go back to my work.