This Crazy Life

Chapter 21

So cancer is kind of a touchy subject. I will do my absolute best to not mess up any of the symptoms or the emotional prices of the disease. I'm not trying to downplay this or make fun of it in ANY WAY. 

Gracie's POV:

I feel like I'm underwater. Everything sounds murky, my vision is unfocused. All I can do is feel more and more weight on my shoulders as I sink deeper, and deeper, and deeper.

"Gracie!" I hear a voice, still sinking. "Gracie!" Someone shakes me this time, and reality slaps me across the face.

"Sorry," I feel a tear slide down my cheek. "So cancer, huh?"

The doctor nods, handing me a thin manilla folder. "You're in the middle stages of it, Gracie. It hasn't spread yet, but it will. I have already contacted your nanny who contacted your parents. Sarah is on her way, but your parents say they can't come home until the end of the month." Figures, they're running away like they always do. It doesn't matter, Sarah will be here.

"Sarah is able to sign all of the papers and get things set up with the insurance companies so we can start preparing you for treatment. She is in the other room, doing so as we speak. I know you are signed on with this Magcon Tour. You can continue on with the tour as long as you follow our guidelines. You can be treated from any hospital anywhere in the country, so traveling with the tour will not be a problem either. I know this is a lot to handle, I'm very sorry Gracie."

I just sit there, this is a lot to take in. "But I don't feel sick, I don't have symptoms." I have so many questions, but I just can't find the words.

"WIth lung cancer it's common for no symptoms to show until the later stages. You should be feeling pretty normal until we start the chemo treatment. We will start preparing you for it at the end of this week. We'll explain the treatment process and side effects then. For now you should just continue on living your life. There is still hope for you Gracie. You can't let this ruin the life you have yet to live." 

The doctor stands up. "The only people who know about your diagnosis are your immediate family, you, and me. If you want I can have a nurse deliver the news to your friends in the waiting room." 

The boys. This is going to ruin everything.

I stand up and walk over to the door. "No, let me tell them. Thank you for everything doc." I walk out of the room, shutting the door behind me. The hallway is empty, so I slide down agaisnt the nearest wall and sob. I just sit there and sob until I don't have any tears left to shed. The diagnosis is already consuming me, it's already becoming my identity. It would be so easy to just give up now, to just stop caring.

Stop it. Stop it right now. I stand up violently, taking a deep breath. When I was little and things went wrong, Sarah always told me I had two choices. I could let it ruin me, or I could let it strengthen me.

I can't let this ruin me. I can't let this ruin my life. I can't let the boys find out.