Too Far Away

18

It has been two weeks. 

Two weeks without talking nor chatting.

No calling nor texting.

Just pure nothing.

I thought that we will always be okay. I thought that he will always be by my side. I thought that whenever we fight, we will always understand each other after. Well, that's what I thought. A very wrong thought.

I know that he's moody and such but why does it have to be like this? Why do we have to be like this? Kailangan ba talagang umabot sa ganito?

I was just staring at the ceiling laying down on the bed when I heard someone knocked on my door.

"Mady? Labas ka naman dyan oh." I frowned.

Lianne? She's a friend of mine sa school. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at lumapit sa pinto. 

"Mady, we know that you need someone to talk to. Labas ka na dyan. We miss you already."

Was that Sheena? Anong ginagawa nila dito?

Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa pinto at nakinig.

Unti-unti kong binuksan ang pinto at gulat silang napatingin sa akin.

"Oh. My. God." they mumbled in unison.

"What happened to you, Mady?" mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ni Erine. 

"You changed so much for two weeks. Look at you. Sobrang payat mo na." she continued.

I sadly smiled, "Guys..."

"It's too painful." I cried. Again. Di ko na kaya pang pigilan. For two weeks, I cried for him every freakin' day. Bago ako matulog, siya yung naaalala ko. Pagkatapos kong gumising, siya pa rin yung naaalala ko. Can I just have an amnesia for me to forget about him? About us?

They gave me pity looks.

"Don't look at me like that! Mas lalo akong naiiyak..."

"We heard the reason why you are absent until now," Sheena muttered.

"But we still wanna hear it from you..." 

And so I remembered every little thing, again.

It's our break time na and I can't find Benjamín again.

Lagi na lang. Nakakapagod nang maghintay. Maghintay sa wala.

Halos mag-iisang linggo na siyang ganito sa akin. Noon, hinahayaan ko lang siya kasi akala ko magiging maayos din kami agad. But no, the opposite happened.

Since that night when he saw Aidan hugging me, mas lalo na siyang lumayo. Mas lalo niya na akong hindi pinapansin. Mas lalo siyang umiwas. Hays.

I roamed my eyes in this messy room. Napatingin ako sa dulong corner ng room kung nasaan nakaupo ang mga teammates ni Benjamin sa basketball. Nilapitan ko ang isa sa kanila at nagtanong.

"Jace, do you know where Benjamín is?" he tilted his head to me and shrugged. Napatingin naman sa akin ang iba pa niyang kasama. 

Anthony on the other hand, raised a hand and spoked, "I think I saw him kanina. Sa cafeteria, pero that was minutes ago na, e. He's with a girl-" nakita ko siyang siniko ni Liam kaya napataas ang kilay ko. 

A girl, huh?

"With whom?" di pa sila nakakasagot when Nica grabbed my wrist. A way for me to look at her.

"Uh, samahan mo naman ako sa powder room. Okay lang?" I shrugged at sumama sa kanya.

Habang naglalakad kami papuntang powder room, may bigla akong naalala.

"Nica, wait." napatigil sya sa paglalakad at tumingin sa akin. Bakit hindi niya kasama yung dalawa niyang kaibigan na palagi niyang kasama kahit saan? Lene and Rina are with her all the time. Bakit ako yung sinasama niya? We're not that close.

She held both of my hands and looked at me hesitatedly. "Mady, sa totoo lang... I-I just want to show you s-something."

"What is it?" I nervously asked. Don't tell me this is about...

Hinila niya ako papunta sa direction ng powder room at napatigil ako nang makita ko si Benjamin na kasama na naman...

Siya.

Magkasama na naman sila.

Siguro nga sila na.

"B-Benj..." mahinang sambit ko. Kusang tumulo ang mga luha ko nang makita ko siyang tumingin sa akin.

"Madison," 

Madison? Kailangan talaga buong pangalan?

Really, huh?

I turned my back to them and ran away as fast as I can.

Pero naabutan niya pa rin ako.

"Madison," hinigit niya ang braso ko kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. 

Stop calling me that.

He looked at me intently and murmured, "Sorry."

I smiled sadly.

Benj, ano sa tingin mo ang magagawa ng 'sorry' mo? 

"Ayoko na,"

"Ang sakit, sakit na. Guys, alam niyo ba na kahit sa maikling panahon lang kami nagkasama ni Benj, I don't even know why pero sobrang laki ng tiwala ko sa kanya. I trusted him that easily. Ayan tuloy, ako yung nasasaktan."

Lianne raised a brow and asked, "When did you guys start being like that ba?"

"I forgot the exact day, but I still remember how it happened. A few weeks ago, I was taking my time to relax in the library when I noticed two people already sitting on the spot where I always stay. Aalis na sana ako, but I saw the guy's back. And I already knew who it was. Grabe, kung narinig niyo lang yung palitan ng words nila. Ah! Tama na, tama na. I don't want to continue anymore. Nakakaiyak guys. Literally. Magsama sila! Hindi nila alam kung gaano kasakit yung nararamdaman ko ngayon." I cried.

"Napakawalang kwenta naman pala niyang Benj na yan, e! Akala mong sinong mabait, jerk din naman pala. Hindi dapat sinasaktan ng lalaking yan ang mga babaeng kagaya natin. Aba, hindi tayo kasing tibay nila, no!" Lianne exclaimed.

Erine groaned. "Maybe he didn't like or love you at all. Maybe he just didn't want to be alone. Or you were just good for his ego. Or maybe, you just made him feel better about his fucked up life, but he doesn't love you. Because if he does, he won't destroy you."

"Exactly! Benjamín's a dickhead. How I wish na sana noon pa lang e nalaman ko na agad yun. So you won't be like that!"

"Lianne, don't say words like that. Don't judge him. You don't know him that much..." I cried.

She arched a brow and smirked, "And you think you know him that much?"

Napatahimik ako sa sinabi niya.

It took me a few minutes before I answered, "U-uh, maybe I don't know much about him but, I think I knew enough..."

"Yung mga alam mo, baka yun lang yung gusto niyang ipaalam sayo. Maybe he doesn't want to be open to you kaya ganun. Wait a minute, I remembered something!" Tugon ni Sheena.

"I tried following him kanina and... wala naman akong nakitang babae na kasama niya,"

"Ever since you left the school. I'm observing him since you left, you know?"

My mouth gaped.

"R-really?" She nodded.

"Baby..." someone interrupted. Napatingin sila sa nagsalita maliban sa akin.

The door's open.

Only one person calls me that.

But it couldn't be him, could it?