Save Your Life| l.t.

Chapter 39: Broken Bones Hurt Less Than This

Skip to end for warnings.

My heart hurts in my chest and my head throbs in beat with my heart. Elisa shifts in the bed next to me and runs her fingers through my hair mumbling nonsense that use to give me peace but now does nothing for me.

When I was 7 I broke my arm in two places's falling out of a tree house. I remember the moment I knew the bone had snapped, when I felt the break, but the pain wasn't there. Everything was numb and nothing felt right - but the pain wasn't there.

The pain wasn't there.

And now when my heart is split in three different places and all I want is to die, I can feel it all so intensely. Everything is on fire, it tingles and burns where it shouldn't.

"Annie, honey," Elisa prods and I feel myself shake. "You need to get up. Come on let's get something from the kitchen." She suggests. I shake my head and she sighs. "Annie,"

"Don't wanna," I breathe and my heart races in my throat.

"You can't do this. You can't shut down on me." Elisa says fiercely. I open my mouth to protest but the door opens.

"Anne,"

"Annie!" The bed dips behind me and I feel myself shake. "Annie please stop crying. Louis-"

"Don't, please don't," I'm begging a child to not say the name of my boyfriend. Someone I should love.

"Hey why don't you go see Harry-" Niall interjects. The bed dips again.

"But he's crying, and I want Annie," Jessi says and I hear her sniffle. I can't deny her, she's lost almost as much as I have. I roll to my side and open my arms to her. She crawls in and sniffles again, rubbing her little face on my collar bones. I wrap her in a hug and she shakes with unshed tears.

"I-is Louis gonna c-c-come back?" She asks and I flinch going stiff.  Elisa shushes me and rubs my back. I don't relax and Niall rubs Jessi's back.

"We'll bring him back," Niall says slowly. "We promise, just relax," he soothes before focusing back on me. "Anne. You need to come out to the living room. Let her sleep," he says and squeezes my hand.

I shake my head. "Don't want to move," He sighs but I shake my head again. "Please don't make me move." I'm all but begging him. It seems to be all I'm doing recently. 

Begging people to let me just stay here and rot away and not have to face the fact that Louis is gone. 

"I really think you should." He urges. I look up at him from under my bangs and the look on his face says he's not wavering. "Please," He pushes and I groan, making Jessi flinch.  

"Sorry kiddo," I mumble and sit up slowly. Every movement hurts as if I've been hit by a bus.  I burrow my face in Jessi's curls, and she whimpers clinging to me. 

"I'll stay here with her." Elisa says and pulls her from me.  "Go.  They'll need to see you're doing okay too," she says and yawns, pressing a kiss to my cheek.  I nod and stand following Niall from the bedroom to the living room. 

They all look up when I enter and I shift under their gaze, tucking my hands into the pockets of the jumper - Louis's jumper. 

"How are you feeling darling?" The cop asks.

"Do you have any leads?" I ask immediately. The officers look between themselves and I grip the edges of the sweater tightly, rubbing and pulling. Niall takes my hands and holds them tightly. 

"Anne.  Relax-"

"I can't!" I snap and he shushes me, tears blooming in his eyes.  Guilt floods me and I shake in my spot, before Niall wraps me up.