We arrived home not twenty minutes later, after begging Louis to let us leave. I argued I'm from the area so I've seen the campus before. I haven't. But I wanted to go home. I'm tired and seeing Andrew isn't helping with the fact I skipped my dose for the day. I'm on the edge of panic and anxiety and the mix of both are weighing down in my chest. As I park my car, I let Louis and Lottie out before grabbing Jessi and slipping into the bus.
"Are you okay Annie?" She asks and I nod quickly as I set her roughly on the bottom bunk.
"I'm fine." I grit and climb into my bunk digging for my cigarettes, pills and blades. God this is shit. I crack the bottle open and place a stick in my mouth in the same moment before grabbing my lighter and setting the tobacco on fire.
"Annie?" Jessi calls again but I ignore her for a moment. "Louis, Annie won't talk to me. Is she mad at me for dropping the sandwich?" She asks and I roll my eyes as I uncap my water. I could care less she dropped her sandwich. I'm more pissed I'll have to explain this all to Louis.
"I'm not mad at you baby. I'm just tired and need some time for me okay?" I grumble out. Laying back on my bed I tuck the blades behind my pillow and close my eyes pulling in drags of smoke. I run my fingers softly over my thigh before feeling heat next to my I pull my arm from my face, taking a drag while I'm at it. Louis touches my thigh and rubs circles into the skin.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Who knows." I breath closing my eyes and taking another drag before the stick burns out. Tossing it in a coke can, I light a second taking a drag. Louis takes my spare hand and rubs my knuckles.
"Do you want to talk?" He asks softly. I don't respond but take a long drag again. He crawls up next to me and lays down next to me pulling me into him. "Talk to me babe, what's in your head?" He asks and I shrug not wanting to answer. He presses a kiss to my forehead and then sighs. "You gotta talk to me love." He pleads.
"Lou it's too much." I say softly. "Too much too soon." I breath and then speak again swallowing. "Where are my pills?" I ask and he breathes harshly.
"Anne, no."
"Chill. I have a fucking headache." I grunt and he nods running hands through his fringe.
"Yeah, sorry." He grumbles and jumps from the bunk. I groan into my pillow. I fuck this shit up. God why my head! Why am I the one like this? Why me! I press my face into my pillow and feel my phone vibrate. I grab it and toss it form the bunk, not caring if it cracks. I just want to sleep. I'm so tired. My arm's burn and itch and everything is telling me to slice and bleed till I feel better.
"Anne?" I hear and roll over seeing Lottie standing at the edge of my bed.
"Hey," I say with a sigh.
"You okay?" She asks and pushes herself into my bunk.
"No," I breath and she lays next to me and smiles.
"You know it's okay to not be okay. Just talk to us. Louis's worried sick about you, he really loves you but you keeping it bottled up hurts him." She says and I nod closing my eyes.
"I know, but Lottie talking about it hurts a thousand times more. Depression... it's weird. You want help, you want people to notice but you can't say anything about it, and when they do you feel like you're being attached. I want help but I don't want people involved. I want to do it on my own you know?" I whisper and she nods.
"I've got friends like that. I know you won't tell us every time it hurts but please don't keep it locked up like you do. We care." She states.
YOU ARE READING
Save Your Life| l.t.
FanficYoung and talented Anne Greenup plans to go to college, get a degree, marry have kids, be normal and happy. After a hard year in high school, she's ecstatic to be finished, and a weekend with her sister's soccer team leads to a famous encounter wit...
