What now? [winterwidow]

17 - Can't Say

James POV

Walking out of Steve's dorm, I see Natalia heading to the director's office and my smile instantly turns to a frown, remembering that she can't remember or recognise a single thing about me. I've been remembering more and more about Steve and we've been getting closer, I can tell he's really happy I'm back, I just hope I stay sane like this forever. I open my door to my room and decide to go to bed since it's already 2300.

***

I've tried to close my eyes for what seems like an eternity and I still can't fall asleep. After seeing Natalia, all I can ever think about is her, continuously hoping for her to just remember me already. I start shifting around in the bed and trying to will myself to sleep but it just isn't working. I look for my phone on my bedside table and decide to explore it a little since I haven't used one to do things other than calling before. I start downloading certain suggested apps including a very famous one called YouTube. I see videos and click on one that includes shaky footage of me on the bridge, firing at Natalia. 'What was wrong with me? Maybe that's why she's so cold to me, I don't know,' I think.

I decide that I can't sleep tonight and nothing's going to change that so, looking at the time that says 0600, it hits me that I've been exploring my phone for more than 6 hours. I get up and out of bed and head towards my wardrobe, putting on my gym gear. Walking down the hallway, I hear some grunts of anger and frustration coming from the training room and cautiously walk in to be greeted by a furious Natalia attacking an innocent heavy bag non-stop. 'What did it ever do to her?'

As I watch her carefully, I notice blood on her knuckles and immediately interrupt her saying, "Woah, calm down Romanoff, are you okay?" I stand looking at her waiting for her response as she is lost in her own mind, something I was quite used to from the past.

"You can stop staring Barnes." Is all I get back as a response. I shrug it off and walk towards another side of the room and as I am setting the skill level for my contraption, I hear Natalia ask in a serious voice, "Who are you?"

Of course, I immediately know what she means. She must be getting some sort of mental sign pointing towards me now that she's around me so much which is to be expected. After being separated, and the red room brainwashing her, they left me still with the knowledge of everything that happened between us, a disciplinary action, they called it. I want to tell her all about our times together in the past, all the things we did, the fun we had but I shouldn't, I can't. It'd be selfish of me because if I did tell her, it would cause an indescribable amount of pain.

I respond with, "Umm... James Barnes, Cap's best friend, WWII soldier?" trying to pretend like I don't know the answers to what she's been trying to figure out, I'm sure. She talks more, trying to 'interrogate' me, get some answers, but it won't work. I was the one who taught her after all...

Time. I'm sure with time, she'll remember everything, I just need patience and she'll remember. She'll Remember.

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, I just kinda wanted the gym conversation to be seen in his perspective? I know, I know, it's pretty crappy n a kinda filler but I promise I'm gonna write more! Still rlly wanna finish this lil' story :/ Next chapter in progress and I'll try to get it up sometime this month.

19/7/18