What now? [winterwidow]

21 - I remember?

Natasha POV

"Nata- lia"

Well isn't this just over the top now? I feel like I'm in an interview with Nick Fury when I just joined S.H.I.E.L.D. The tinge of fear and hesitance in what to say, never knowing how I may react. 

"Natalia, I know you remember me. Or at least I hope you do. I don't know what to do to make you remember but-"

"Then don't," I'm sick of this, sure I pity James but it's not my responsibility for him to recall his memories and I'm not particularly keen on remembering any more about my days in the red room. Amora already erased that part of me and I'm perfectly fine with it staying that way now. 

"No, listen, I... Alexei. Do you remember him?"

Alexei? My... husband, no father, no tovarishch? I, I'm not sure...

***

"Good to see you Alexei, how was your mission Любимый?"

"Perfect. I'm sure father would be happy." Beaming eyes shone back at me.

***

I peered through the crack in the wall as I watched him in his iconic red suit.

"The mission went well, how is my little Natalia doing? Training well I hope."

***

"You take the east wing and I'll take the west, they'll probably come in from the south wing after that. Good luck tovarishch."

*** 

"I- don't know who Alexei is..." my voice softening towards the end. Why are there so many Alexeis in my mind all of a sudden. I don't understand. He was someone special but who.

Another memory infiltrates the web of lies constructed in my mind.

"My Natalia, make sure you take care of her James. I may not be back for a long time."

Tears start flowing from my eyes. That's strange, I would never have cried, it doesn't make sense.

"Natalia, Alexei died in a plane crash."

Sobs racked through my body on the floor. Why am I crying? Why do I feel sad?

I'm fine. Just training now.

My body moves fluidly with motions as light as a feather, a newfound motivation to serve the red room. To make Alexei proud. 

Someone enters. It's James.

"Natalia, what did I say? You should always make sure to watch your left elbow. It's 3 cm's out, anyone could easily grab you like that." 

I'm smiling. Like a fool. 

The gap between our bodies slowly close as he reaches out to-

"Natalia, do you hear- "

I'm out. Like a fused wire, everything turns dark. 

I slowly wake as I take in my surrounding based on its scent, lighting and sound. I'm in the med bay. Safe. Thoughts surge through my brain as I slowly attempt to decipher all the memories that reached me. James, he was special. To me. 

"You can stop pretending Natalia, I know you're awake."

"Любимый."

As my eyelids slowly part, I see the slightest smile shine through. I remember him, and some of our time there but I'm sure there's plenty more to it. A wave of nostalgia passes over me as I see him innocently stare at me with worried eyes, barely fitting onto the tiny stool provided in the med bay. I notice every slight shift he makes in discomfort and realise how much he had changed. Compared to then, he is worn, exhaustion and overwork apparent but in many ways he hadn't changed much. Not for me, at least. 

I've missed him. 

A/N

YA'LL IM SO EXCITED AND HAPPYY!! I started this book when I was 13 and I'm now 19 hahhaha. Time really flies and I'm really glad for all the people that have been with me along this journey although most of them are probably gone now since it took me so dang long. Oops. Anyways, thank you to everyone who read along. I've really appreciated the process of writing this book. Happy new year to everyone and I hope you all stay safe as we enter 2022. Much love to you all <3