Beaten

Life Sucks

I sat there in bed looking out the window. Aiden's words replaying in my mind over and over. 

He's practically willing to sacrifice himself for me yet i cant let him do that.  But if i tell them what happened my mom surely goes to jail for the rest of her life. and even though i hate the way she treated me, it doesn't change the fact that shes my mom and that at one point we were happy together.

It's been a few days since i had talked to Aiden. He's been busy trying to find my real dad. He says that it might be good to know who he is and get to know him. But i know that he doesnt have any leads and honestly what if hes not even alive? or what if he doesn't want a family?

I know Aiden is just trying to help, so i just smile and encourage him.

Lora came in a couple of times after Aiden left, she keeps asking about my mom and dad. They still haven't found him after we left him bleeding out. As much as i like that hes suffering from all of this, i cant bring myself to be entirely happy.

All the harsh words he once said to me, the beatings i took and that horrible night i went through. I seem to forget all of those terrible memories at times and go back to when all three of us were like an actual family.

You might think im crazy or stupid maybe even foolish for not hating my dad completely. He ruined my life and made it miserable for me to live yet there's a part of me that still sees him as my dad even if hes not my actual father.

Who am i kidding. Maybe i am crazy. Maybe i am broken. Maybe i should just say i'm guilty so they'll lock me away...

They're letting me go home in two days. They say i'm still under investigation so i cant leave town but i'm free to go home wherever that is. 

 After that incident at the hotel room Lora found a small apartment that shes renting at least while all of this goes away. Yet, It doesn't feel right going home with Lora and Aiden, they have no obligation to take care of me. I feel like theyre just taking a burden onto their shoulders.

Then again, i cant go back home since it became a crime scene when dad shot Keith and fled. 

I still cant bring myself to visit Keith.

I feel guilty, useless, ashamed and terrible that i let that happen to him he was one of my best friends.

I cant face his parents either and watch as they stare at me with disgust and hatred.

According to one of the nurses he's been doing really good with treatment. If he keeps it up he'll be back on his feet in no time. 

His parents made it back home as soon as they heard what happened. They've been by his side almost everyday and it makes me feel horrible when i remember that its my fault Keith is like that.

After his parents found out what happened they were devastated, but they felt a sense of understanding when they heard that he was trying to defend me from my abusive father. 

It's embarrassing you know.

I kept quiet for so long about the abuse, the beatings, all the torment.

Now everyone knows. It's embarrassing. 

People in the hospital talk and think im not listening, but i can hear every word.

They ask each other why is it that i let that happen to me.

Why i didnt call the police

Why i didnt tell anyone at school

They say its my fault i got abused

That i probably did something to deserve it

They wonder why i still keep trying to protect them after all they've done to me. Some people give me pitying looks while others look at me with disgust.