Tell Me Why - Anthony Trujillo

28

Raegan's POV:

It's been about a week or so since I came home. Everything was fine, just a bit weird since everybody was being extra careful with me, acting as if I was fragile, but I didn't protest.

Jake and I spent some alone time together, which made the media go nuts, but we just ignored it. We went to Taco Bell at one in the morning a lot, and relived some memories. It was a nostalgic time, and I adored it. It gave me the chance to see the real Jake, the one that wasn't there often.

Chance and I have been awkward, but nevertheless he's there for me, especially at the hospital, which he's made me aware of, by taking me to any appointment he can, which I was thankful for.

As for Anthony, we agreed that we would stay friends at the get go, but it wasn't working out. Not that we were disagreeing, it's just that there are so many spur of the moment moments where we almost kiss, and we both knew that the feelings were there, just never discussed it.

Anyway, today I have chemo, which has drained me. Shawn was coming with me today, he was in LA for inspiration for a new song, which I agreed to helping with since I wanted to as much as possible before I met my end.

Nobody wanted to believe it, heck I didn't, but I didn't have energy for anything, I have to consider it. I wrote my will and kept everything ready in case something happened.

On the way to the Shawn's hotel, I decided that I would make a video later today addressing my current situation.

I got to Shawn's hotel, picked him up and we went to the hospital. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked me after I zoned out for a while after we got to my chemo. I sighed and muttered a fine.

"Shawn?" I asked, he hummed in response as he wrote a lyric down. "I'm going to talk, and don't interrupt me okay?" I said. He furrowed his eyebrows, but nevertheless nodded.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I have to say it. Soon I'm not going to be here. I'm going to be a memory, and before I am, I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to travel the world and meet our fans. Thank you for letting me be that opening act, that changed my life. Thank you for the memories, that I can cherish when I miss you while I'm up there. Thank you for taking care of me when Landon couldn't, thank you for protecting me from him. Thank you for becoming family when I missed mine. Thank you for being my friend, one of the best ones I could ever ask for. Thank you for everything." I lectured, letting out a sigh and wiping away some tears.

"C'mere" he muttered as he stood up from his recliner, opening his arms. Without hesitation I got up from my spot in bed, and walked towards him, sucking in a sharp breath as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm going to miss you." He muttered as a few tears of his own slipped. "I'll miss you too." I replied. "You've become someone I trust with my life. Whenever we're on tour it's like we're attached by the hip. You're like my big sister now. And like a little brother should, I love you. And I'm sure as hell going to miss you." He told me. "I love you too." I responded lightly squeezing him.

"Now let's work on that song, yeah? I wanna get as much done as possible." I said pulling away. Being depressed wasn't going to help me at all.

"Alright." He smiled. I ruffled his hair like I used to when we were on tour and we got back to the song.

---

Shawn and a couple of songs, one as a single, and the others as part of his new album. I was excited for him, it shows a part of him and small parts of me the fans weren't really aware of.

I dropped Shawn off at his hotel after chemo, then I was off to Logan's house. I needed to see him before I got worse, and while I was there I could film the video in peace.

"Rae." Logan said, clearly confused that I was there, nevertheless he hugged me and let me in. "You shouldn't be driving, or going to chemo alone." He told me as I embraced him.

"I'm twenty one Lo, I can drive myself." I told him rolling my eyes. "And I went with Shawn." I added. He muttered something under his breath before nodding. Weird.

"I need to film a video real quick, I kinda ran away from the house so they wouldn't hear." I told him. "Use my room. You know where." He replied. I thanked him grabbing my camera and running upstairs.

I set everything and made sure I looked decent.

I took a deep breath before hitting record and starting.

"Hey guys it's Rae. I know I haven't been active in a while but that all comes with good reason." I began. (Warning: long paragraph)

"I'm pretty sure some of you have heard that I was hospitalized. That is true. Um, there really is no right way to say this, but my Cancer is back. It's much worse than the first time, which is why I'm making this video. I knew it was back before I fainted, but things were going well for the team, and I didn't want to disrupt the happiness. The point of this video is pretty much that I could drop dead at any given moment. I could die now or tomorrow or next week, but either way, I won't be here for as long as I had hoped." I said as a few tears fell astray.

"I'm not going to lie and say that I'm strong and will power through it. Because the truth is, I'm weak, physically, and all the thoughts made it mentally, and now it's emotionally. I'm drained, I'm tired, and I'm weak. And most of all I'm scared. I'm scared of hell as for what's to come, and I'm not going to hide it. Not only am I scared but I'm sad and pissed. I wanted to get married, have kids, and lead a life where I could make a difference in the world and my family. I tried to find the right person for that, and I thought I did but I haven't, but that's not the point. The point is I have limited time, and I want to make every moment worth it. So I wanna thank everybody in my life." I continued.

"First of all my my mom. Mommy I love you so much. Thank you for getting me through all the days of my childhood. Thank you for raising me the way you did and making me who I am. Thank you for supporting me and my dreams. Thank you for loving me unconditionally."

"Gina. I know you're going to take this hard, especially because of Olivia, but I need you to know I love you, and I'm grateful for everything you've done for me. I'll be watching you up there, I'll be with Olivia, and I'll hold her and make sure she's safe while we're watching you. I'll always be here."

"David. Gina loves you so much. And seeing her so happy, makes me happy. You made her happy. I never doubt you. Please take care of her and Laurel, the same way you already are. Keep them safe. Thank you. For keeping the people I love happy."

"Laurel. Hi baby. I miss you. I wish I could come visit but I can't. Auntie Rae is a bit sick, but I promise I'll feel better soon. Laurie, I'm going to be up there with Oli soon. I'm going to watch over you with her when I am. I'm going to watch you grow up, and I know you'll be amazing baby. I love you."

"Leo, my baby brother. I know you still have a lot ahead of you. You're such a talented young guy, and you need to use that talent. You're amazing. The best little brother I could ever ask for. I know I'm not around much, but I still love you."

"Team 10 and everybody on it,along with my friends like Shawn and Camila, and the Youtube and celebrity society, I'm not going to say anything in this video to you guys. You'll have your own videos. Each one of you, merely because there's to much to say. You can post them if you'd like to. I have no problem with that."

"Last but most definitely not least, my fans. You guys have made me. You have brought me where I am. You put the roof over my head, and you're the reason I can eat and have this treatment that's keeping me alive. I owe everything to you. You all mean so much to me. And if I could, I would meet every single one of you."

"I think that's it. I'll be putting this up now. Without editing, so excuse my messy hair and tear stained face. This is just too important." I finished.

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Okay so this is messy, and shitty. I know y'all want Anna, but you're stuck with me.

-Noor💗