Even Death Won't Do Us Part

Chapter 2

I went to classes . My brain registered nothing . It mattered even less than it normally did .

It's right after lunch now . I'm in the bathroom standing at the sink . There are two girls , juniors like me , three sinks away . I don't know them well , but I know their names : Naomi and Maya ( do you ever have those people who you know but you don't actually know ? yeah, that's them . ) Naomi always wears big silver hoop earrings and Maya always wears a ponytail so tight it looks like her face might split . They are passing a stick of sticky, old eyeliner back and forth .

I'm not really paying attention to them , to anything ,in fact, until there's a buzzing sound --Maya's phone receiving a text . And then half a second later , there's Maya's high-pitched (and extremely annoying) voice shrieking , "No fuh-reaking way ."

I look up . Naomi is lining her bottom lid , pulling at her face so you can see the pink around her eye . "What ?! "

Even though I don't know what Maya is going to say , my heart is psychic and decides to start pounding .

"So you heard how Helen's older brother is training to be a police officer , right ? "

Naomi nods , her head bouncing like it's too heavy for her neck to hold up .

"And you know how they didn't say how she died , right ? Well , she said, he said that's because . . . "

Maya pauses , getting ready to say something juicy ---

". . .it was suicide ."

Through the ghastly fog of feeling nothingness , my stomach drops . My heart stops beating . I lean forward , like I've been punched . Not in the gut , but in the heart .

Naomi turns to Maya . "Whoa."

"Yeah . On New Year's Day."

"Oh my god , that is so sad ! " Naomi sounds excited(despite her recent exclamation of grief) . "How ?"

"I read a thing once that women , girls , whatever , are more likely to use pills , but I don't know , I could sort of see her , like . . ." Naomi puts her two fingers together and sticks them in her mouth . Then she jerks her head to the side and lets her tongue hang out .

The water is pounding down into the painfully white sink and splashing onto my shirt . Maybe I am going to throw up . My thoughts are too deranged to make this decision .

"She always seemed sort of off the rails . . . , " Maya says.

"Totally . Like one of those famous people who do insane things , except.. not actually famous , "

"Yeah, like , famous but only in her own head , though ."

My sink has filled up . Water drizzles out onto the floor . Cascading down , like tears .

I face them now , something inside me sparks and catches fire, "Stop talking about her like that ," I say . I try to keep my voice from shaking . They turn towards me , like they're only now noticing that I'm here at all . "Just bloody stop it ."

"Um, hello ?!"Naomi says . "Private conversation . Besides , were you guys even friends ?"

She looks at me , lips pursed slightly .

"Yes. Yes, we were ." I say .

"Oh," says Maya . "Sorry." And for a moment she almost sounds sincere .

xx

The thing is , when I said Auburn and I were friends , that wasn't really true .

If we were still friends , then , when I saw Auburn's name flashing on my phone two days ago for the first time in over a year , instead of clicking ignore and not even listening to the voicemail , I would have picked up . I would have picked up and heard Auburn's voice , and would have known something was wrong . And then , no matter what Auburn said , no matter what Auburn was planning , I would have stopped her.

I should have picked up.

But I didn't.

And now, she's dead.