Free Falling (Olicity) - Finished

In a Flash

Hey lovelies so this is going to be a shorter chapter but I think it's a really pivotal moment for Felicity. I also realize I do a lot of time jumps and I'm so sorry about that but I hope you like it anyways. Oh and is anyone else still crying over the fact that Stephen said that it was going to be Oliver and Felicity (together) NO MATTER WHAT because I'm still a mess.

FELICITY

I sit inside Jitters anxiously waiting for Barry to swing by. It's been three weeks since I made the decision to stay in Central City and I can't help but feel a strange emptiness inside of me. Central City is everything that a city should be - bright and happy. It is everything that Starling is not, yet it leaves me hollowed out; it leaves me empty and while I'm grateful for everything Central City has given me, it's not my home. I know deep down that even though I'm here, my heart remains in Starling. Starling, the one place my mind is never far from, although the change of scenery has been a blissful experience. My life here feels unfulfilling and if I'm being honest I feel less like myself and more like a stranger. Ever since waking up from the coma it's as though I've been wandering around aimlessly, in search of something that I can't quite reach and while I have an inkling as to why I feel the way I do, my denial is more powerful.

I look out the window and I can't help but shake the feeling that something ominous is brewing up in the skies. There is a strange calmness in the air, like the calm that hits before a storm and it is very unnerving. Before I have a chance to spiral out I feel a gust of wind hit and then Barry is standing in front of me.

"Hey, sorry I'm late" Barry says sheepishly, papers flying everywhere, no doubt from using his speed.

"Barry, you're the fastest man alive. How do you still manage to be late to everything" I tease, giving him a smile.

He scratches the back of his head adorably, "Sorry, that seems to be my greatest downfall."

"So what's up? You asked me out here? I mean you didn't ask me out. I just mean you asked me to meet you here, definitely not like a date or anything, not that I thought this was a date...Okay I'm going to stop talking now" I blurt out, embarrassment flooding through me in the form of a blush.

Barry looks at me with a smile and sits down, disregarding my words which I am extremely grateful for.

"I'm just worried about you Felicity"

"Worried. About what?" I raise my brow, surprised at the direction this conversation is heading. Nervously, I focus on the latte in front of me and begin to pick at the cup.

"Felicity, you've been here for three weeks and while the CCPD and the team are grateful for all the help you've given us, I don't think you've found yourself anymore than you would've in Starling, so what's really going on" his says, his face awash with concern.

"Wh..What do you mean? There's nothing going on" I argue, trying to sound convincing but who was I kidding. I couldn't even convince myself.

"I've done enough running in my life time to know when someone is running away from something. So what are you running from?"

"Barry, I'm not running from anything, if anything I'm trying to find myself"

He looks at me, his features suddenly very serious "Felicity, I couldn't help but overhear what you told Oliver the night he left and I don't think finding yourself is the problem. I think you're running from a future with Oliver; I think you're scared of letting Oliver into your life, letting him become something more than just a friend or partner"

I can feel my eyes deceive me, my fears shining through despite my best efforts to keep them hidden. "I'm scared of losing myself in him" I start, my voice shaking  "because if I let that happen then I will lose everything that I am. I let myself be vulnerable once, I can't let it happen again. My mom gave my father everything she had and he left. I'm scared of the intensity of my love for Oliver, I'm scared of what will happen if I let myself be with him.  I'm running from Oliver because I can't let myself be so engulfed by his charm that I no longer remember what it's like to be myself. I can't let him define me"

"If I know one thing Felicity Smoak, it is that you would never let a man define you. You're too strong of a woman to let anyone have that power over you. You can't let what happened to your mother rule your entire life or you'll never find the happiness you deserve. If you don't open yourself up to the chance of love then you lose all hope of ever healing from the past. Oliver loves you, I could see it written all over his face from the moment I met him. I see the purity of his love for you and I know you feel it too. If you really want to find yourself, if you really want to heal  then I think going back to Starling is a step in the right direction because you are not happy here." Barry says softly, gently placing his hand on mine to keep me steady.

I let out a shaky breath. Hearing those words Barry said brought back every single feeling I've been trying to bottle up since the day I let Oliver leave. I let Oliver go because I was too afraid to let him in, to let him love me and now all I feel is the numbness of my own lonely heart. Thanks to Barry, I realize that I have been running, something I refused to acknowledge because I thought pushing Oliver away would somehow help me find myself. I was wrong, the only way for me to ever feel whole is to face my fears. I knew Barry was right, that the only way to find myself is to stop running and face my fears.

"I.." Before I can continue I'm interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone. I look over and see Diggles number pop up.

"Hey Digg" I answer, my mind still reeling.

"Felicity we need you. Oliver is in trouble." I feel my heart drop to my stomach. The unsettling feeling I previously felt once again vibrating through me. My phone slips out of my hand but I can't move. The only thing I can think about is Oliver.