I don't want a world, I only want you

A Happiness To Give

  It's hard. Forth keep sighing. All the lesson he learns this past three months, never went into his mind, just fall in deaf ear. He never wants to do anything. It's hard.

"Forth, really what is happening to you? You keep sighing, become hot-temper, everyone is your target to release you anger, juniors, when they see you they will make a U-turn, even lecturers keep asking me what is happening to you? What should I know when you, yourself didn't tell me." Lam rubs Forth's back, to ease him a little bit. Just a second ago, Ming accidentally kicks Forth's leg. Usually, Forth will let it go and treat it as a joke, but now Forth almost punches Ming if not Lam and the gang hold Forth down and asking for Ming to go. Forth is a monster right now and even Lam himself is afraid to talk with Forth. But, he must.

After having discussion, the gang finally sends Lam to ask about Forth, and here he is alone with Forth in his Forth's house.

"Am I really terrible?" Forth asking while takes a smoke. Forth only smoke occasionally, when he is angry and stressed over something. You won't see Forth become angry easily, so when you see Forth is smoking, something bad is happening right now.

"Is this about your wife?" Lam easily guess the answer to Forth's problem.

With a sigh, Forth says, "He is my wife, but I'm not his husband. Sometimes he acts like my wife, care about me, at least every night he will sent me a message to have a good sleep, always had a lunch with me, when I said I'm busy and can't meet him for lunch, you know what, he also will not have a proper lunch, enough with just some bread and keep reviewing his lessons while accompanied his friends eat lunch. When I ask him to meet, he will never say no, even when he is busy and instead we meet in the library. I don't care much, main purpose for us to get out is to meet, so I don't care about the setting. I also can see his soft spot, when I become quiet, it will make Beam becomes guilty and he tries to cheer me up." Forth says this with a big smile on his face and Lam is happy to hear all of this. It is blessing for Forth to meet Beam.

"Okay, I know how much happy you are. So, what is the problem now? And why you are not his husband?" Lam feels weird. Listen to how much Forth bragging about his wife, he can sense that Beam must also fall in love with Forth. So, what is happening right now?

"Do you the car that I always drove around?"

Lam nods. "It is Beam, right?"

"Yes. I use that car to threaten him, to keep him by my side."

Lam nods his head. "So, you feel that Beam follows what you want just because of that car. At first, you just want Beam's body, but now you also want his heart. You already confessing your love, but Beam asked for time and now you are waiting for Beam's reply. But, in the process of waiting, Beam gives you hopes and clues that shown he also feels the same towards you. But, when you ask, Beam keeps saying giving to give him more time. I understand. So many days you have no sex with Beam?" Lam asking.

Forth is very amazed. "How can you know that?"

"I know about you. You are the person who will show what he wants, doesn't like to waste time, so you must already confess your love once you already confirmed your feeling towards Beam. When you said, you are not his husband, means Beam still not approve you yet. Seeing you gradually become angry and displeased, so I know you are in waiting period. So, back to my question, how long you have no sex?" Lam smugly says.

"Almost three months." Forth takes a puff.

"T-Three m-m-months? Are you kidding me? You?! Who must have sex at least one in two days doesn't have sex for three months already. Wow! A new record. I never knew you can hold yourself." Lam is amazed. He almost makes Beam as his god, for can make this high sex-drive Forth wait for this long.

"Doesn't want to try with another person?"

"Mine doesn't want to get up unless it is Beam and I just only want to come inside him."

"Never try to force him?"

"Nay, then he will say I just fall in love with his body."

"So, what is your plan now?"

Forth reaches his pocket and takes out Beam's car key. "Give this to Beam, says to Beam that I can't see him for now because need to go out of country for a week helps family business."

"Out of country? Where? What family business? And why you not give this key by yourself?" Lam can see that Forth keep something hidden.

"That is a lie, I just don't want to meet Beam."

"Why? He is your wife."

Seeing that Forth just keep quiets, "How long you did not see Beam?" Lam asks again.

"...Already three days."

"Who is sending him to his faculty?"

"I ask my chauffeur."

"He did not say anything?"

"I said I was out of the town and he really got angry, saying why not inform him first and why not gave back his car key but at the end he asked me to take care of my health and sleep well. See, this is why I can't help but fall in love more. Although he is cheeky, likes to prank me, but at the end he still took care of me. And I'm afraid of his kindness. It is a little bit easy if he just hates me instead playing with my heart in this way- seems he is mine but in split second he can fly away."

"And what do you mean by giving this key back? Not afraid if he is free?" Lam questioning Forth's purpose for doing this.

"I'm more afraid of myself. You see, I thought I can be patience, follow whatever my wife wants. But you know what, it is painful. You can see but you can't touch, every time I touch him, must treat like a joke or as an accident for not to anger him. Seeing his guilty face when I keep quiet makes me smile foolishly- saying everything is okay when it is not. My mind and heart keep wanting to have sex with him, pushes him down, kiss his lips roughly, takes off his clothes, licks his beautiful perk nipples... Ahhh!! I don't know what to do anymore. I already reach my limit, I'm afraid once I meet him, I already ravish him."

"Maybe it is time for me to let him go. I already tired with this feeling, always restless- thinking about Beam. This story maybe had a bad ending. Without the car, Beam finally is free, nothing can threaten him anymore. You know what, Lam, my love life is really ridiculous, I take it slow, Yo is taken away so I can only let him go, to give happiness that he deserves but this time I make it fast, learning from last lesson, but still I need to let him go, and also to give happiness that Beam deserves. But, why it seems to me that I really don't deserve happiness in my life. Maybe I really do bad things in my past live and this is tribulation from Him that I need to past through."

"What if Beam also loves you?" Lam asks, not to make Forth lost all his hopes.

"Then, it is a miracle. I wish for that also. Lam, do you know about a miracle? You can only wish for that but it will never happen." Forth laughs. But, it can't stop the tears to escape from his eyes.

"W-What is this? Oh, it is tears. It's been a long time since I cried. Cries because a heart-broken? Not gentle at all. Haha."

Lam just moves closer to Forth and hugs him tightly. "Let it out."

"I really love him, really love him. Do you how hard this decision is? But, I must do it, there is nothing happier, than to see your beloved become happy. This is my last sacrifice for him." Forth says while crying and Lam just keeps pats Forth's back.

Lam really doesn't know what to say to Forth. He can only give him a support.