You and Me? Me and You.

Chapter 2: Thinking and Crying

//Edited//

~December 13, 2015~

Shawn's POV

"Hello?" He asked annoyed but it would soon disappear when I spoke.

"Simon I need to talk." I whispered hoarsely and waited for his response.

"Are you ok Shawn?" Simon asked worriedly.

"Yeah just-I'll be at the studio." I said and continued driving, throwing my phone in the ashtray next to the drink holders.

Pulling up to a red light, I stopped and waited for it to turn green. Being stopped with nothing to do wasn't good for me right now. It meant I could get lost in thought about how no one loved me.

And I mean seriously, no one could ever love me like my mom and dad did. My real dad was my best friend; we would do everything together as would my mom. My mom was the go to girl for anything. Fashion advice, food advice, even boy troubles. Gosh I miss them.

I was rudely interrupted by a honk so my natural ways made me give him the middle finger. Ugh some people just don't know what love is.

Love. A four letter word that could change everything instantly. Noah.

Did I love him? No.

Could I love him? Maybe.

Did he love me? Yes.

Do I think he means it? I would like to think so.

After about another half an hour of internal battles and wars I had arrived at Syco.

No cars were in the parking lot but since Simon was nice enough he had given me a key to use whenever. I walked to the front and tried the door to see if it was locked and it wasn't. Curiosity filled me as well as fear. Fear of someone doing something terrible to me.

I didn't hear anything so I made my way to the usual room to grab my guitar. I grabbed a water as well and walked to the elevator to go to the roof.

The lift only went to the top floor and then there was a secret door to the roof. The hallway up here was lit up but no one could be heard. The door to the roof was unlocked and I thought nothing of it. Gosh I sound like a robot.

As I walked out under the starry night I couldn't help but let out a small sob as I remember all those times my dad and I would name the constellations. You have the big and small dipper and Orion the Hunter. Ok those are all I can remember.

I walked over to a wall and slid down it laying my guitar across my chest to play. The only song that came to mind was 'Her Diamonds' by Rob Thomas. I couldn't help but think of how I felt because it was true. I couldn't keep my fake act going, trying to show everyone the happiness in me and then when no one was with me, I was crying and cutting.

I smoked when no one was around, I cut when no one was around, and I drank when no one was around, but no one knew that because no one ever cared. I thought they did but I had lied to myself.

"Ugh!" I groaned and just cried. As I cried for hours on end, I didn't even notice the sun rising. My eyes were puffy and hard to keep open and my cheeks felt raw from the tears. My nose wasn't any better and as for me I was a total wreck. It felt as if a wrecking ball had come and knocked my whole life down.

Now all that was left was me and a piece of paper that could change my life. Just sitting here wasn't healthy so I stood up and stretched. I walked to the door and let myself back in and walked down the hallway to the lift. After getting in I didn't press a number. Instead slid down the wall of it and just waited for someone to press the up or down arrow so the thing would move.

My mind wandered to where Simon was but then I remember that no one cared and I realised he wasn't coming.

I have never felt so much betrayal from people I thought cared about me. People that I cared about. And now what was I left with? Nothing.

Who could I go to? No one. I know you might think what about your beloved boyfriend but now that I think about it he has been acting strange lately. He isn't cheating because he isn't that kind of guy.

Or is he?

Hell if I know because I am just as fucked up as some normal person times 100.

The elevator moved but I didn't. I stayed in my position leaned up against the back wall and watched as the lift descended.

43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, 37, 36

I mean maybe this could be like the ticking bomb. I had 35 seconds to live and then I die and no one would mind. I mean the people I obviously thought cared about me didn't. Just thinking about cutting, smoking, or drinking made everything in the world seem better.

I have never gotten high and right now I feel like trying yet I know it is bad. Now I see why no one loves me.

32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19

I mean what if someone found me. I wouldn't even be in the news because no one would want to claim me.

Noah would probably be a little sad but would move on and then the Simon might be a little mad because I died and I was his next big artist but like I have been going on for the past hour or two, no one cares enough about me for me to continue on with my life.

I am a joke. A sick, pathetic, worthless, amusing joke.

And that is all I will ever be to everyone.

11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2

And here we go. The first person to die because they have to see me.

The door opened and I cried as he frowned in front of me.

"I was a charity case. All I ever was was a charity case and I was too naive to see through it." I cried as Simon pulled me into his chest and sat down on the floor of the elevator with me. Two boys rushed up to the elevator and got in not saying anything.

Not caring if they heard I continued. "I come home after an amazing day with him and I ask everyone when my parents are coming home and want to know what they say? They aren't coming home till fucking Christmas. They haven't seen me since three years ago. They give me everything I want except for one fucking important thing. Love. Is it too hard to find or ask for? For one fucking person to love you?"

Simon hushed me and just let me sob into his chest. The lift came to a stop and Simon handed my guitar to one of the lads and picked me up after. One word described me altogether.

Mistake.

That is all I'll ever be.

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Picture:  The Boys and Their Signatures

Video:  'Her Diamonds'~Rob Thomas 

Hey m'loves!!!! Tomorrow I am going to see the fault in our stars with my cousin and I am so excited. She is in college and we never get to see each other anymore so when ever she comes back we do something together. But you don't want to hear all about my relationships. Have a good SUMMER!!!