4 - THE OTHER "THING"

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I was going to kill myself because I couldn't take my life on Skid Row any longer. The reason I didn't just get up, give up all my assistance, and leave Skid Row, and wander away to somewhere else, had to do with that other "thing."

One Sunday afternoon when I was twelve, I saw this news story on TV about a man who called himself Johnny Bobo, who walked up and down the west coast, over and over and over again. And that was all he did, that was his life. The Walker. He was a shriveled dude in his fifties,this champagne raison with a beard, biker hair, a sky blue tie-died headband. He said he had to walk. Walking was the only thing keeping him sane. He said he was happy, but only if he was walking by himself.

I don't know why, but I became kind of obsessed with Johnny Bobo, to the extent I did a little research at the library and found an article about him, which basically said the same thing, maybe a little more detail about how unhappy he was until one day he'd started walking, and then never stopped.

Over the years, without me knowing why, JohnnyBobo took over my private, inner life. He invaded my dreams, and when I was awake he was always somewhere in my mind. What he did seemed like the worst thing anyone could do. It seemed like completely giving up.Only a complete loser would live like that. I began to think, that's going to happen to me. I became obsessed with Johnny Bobo because apart of me became terrified I'd never relate to other people, that I wouldn't be able to function in society. I would become the next Walker. I will become homeless, cut off from society.

Like fate, right?

And I fought against it. Everything I did, in someway was a move to keep that from happening. I never mentioned it to anyone, girlfriend,therapist, whoever, because it was such a part of me I didn't even think about it. Why talk about the fact you have five fingers? Why talk about the fact water is wet? Why talk about the fact that you're breathing? Talking about Johnny Bobo seemed too obvious. 

I didn't leave Skid Row because there was nowhere to go but wandering. Johnny Bobo wanted me to do that, and that was why I didn't.

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