THE DOG HUNTERS (completed)

24 - THE DOG HUNTERS

"HEY!"

I thought my body was screaming at me. It wasn't.

"HEY!"

It wasn't coming from me, or the little guy, who'd stopped beating on me for a second to take another step back and look around.

At the mouth of the alley there stood this other dude. Tall, thick, looking like some kind of rockabilly wannabe in rinsed jeans,crow-black hair slicked flat across his bony skull. He stood with grand authority, his shoulders squared, behind a pink baby stroller,modified to include a side buggy, loaded with the sort of provisions you'd need if you were living outside. Inside the stroller's mainbasket crouched skinny kid, all hunched up. He looked to be just under twenty. The big, thick fellow looked to be just over fifty.

"YOU!" The big guy barely had to open his mouth, and had a voice like a thunderclap. You felt it smacking around inside your chest.Arresting. He glared at my attacker like a stern dog. The kid in the stroller looked intrigued, aloof, irritated, holding a pen and spiral notebook like he was about to take notes.

A coarse hand shot out, a beefy finger aimed at the crackhead. "DON'T DO THAT! THAT'S NOT APPROPRIATE! YOU ARE BEING BAD!"

My assailant looked horrified. He whined, "Fuck you man!"

Then he spun on his heel and ran. Ran straight into the Popeye dumpster, bounced off, and took off again, shoulders up and fists pumping. Weall watched him blur into the smoggy morning light.

The hero grinned. "Was that little piece of shit trying to fuck you, or what? Honey bunny, it don't need to be so rough."

My pants were still riding low, and I hastily pulled them back up and turned to split. Here's the thing, just because someone helps you out, it doesn't mean they're not also interested in fucking you up more. Some like their prey a bit tenderized. Especially in thestreet. I also was in no mood for conversation, ever again, with anyone. Little Clock mentality. My current task was to find a hole somewhere, only my knees refused to move, all locked up with misplaced adrenaline.

The man was now arguing with the kid in the stroller, saying, "Well I don't care. I don't care. You're going to have to produce another spreadsheet, or do whatever the fuck you need to do with your ledger.You just don't leave someone fucked up like this."

The kid talking over him, saying, "People are fucked up all the time and we don't even have anything to do with them, specially when you're hot on a dog."

"But you see, see, I don't get involved – do I? It's what you just said,we notice shit, and we're on our way. That's how you navigate the world. But, okay? Sometimes you get involved."

"And you just get to choose that. You just randomly decide that, with ourrations and your bullshit -"

"-Am I gonna have to take you out of that thing and shake you around? Am I gonna have to shake some goddamn sense into you? Is that what this is all about? You want that? You just say it Lulubelle, you don't have get all rude and shit in front of company. And come on, look at this guy. He's clearly shit himself and that's probably puke all over him. You want me to take you out?"

Lulubelle, the little shrimpy kid riding the stroller, deepened his frown. He gave a serious shake of his head, waving a dark mass of curly hair about.

The man said, "Is it okay if I give him the water? You know damn well you tell me budget shortfalls and I fill them, you stingy bitch."

Watching them bickering had this strange effect on me, made me forget for a second how completely fucked I was. After several more minutes of this back and forth, the man turned his attention back to me.

"My name's Tinto. What's your name, honey bunny?"

The funny thing is if you don't say your name, or have people calling you by your name pretty regularly, the whole thing gets a lot more abstract. Another little clock issue. The first thing that came into my head was Johnny Bobo. I clenched and shook this off.

Tinto approached with a plastic bottle of water. "Hey little fella," he said, offering it to me as though I was some sick dog," It's good stuff. You know you want some."

I took it and drank the bottle down. And waited for further punishment.

"You should come with us. That asshole will be back. Territory, you know? Right? You come with us at least until you're back on your feet."

"He'sonly saying that to piss me off," Lulubelle called from the babyseat.

Tinto grinned at me and winked. "Maybe I am," he said, talking to Lulubelle while he watched me. "But if you start giving me moreshit we both know we'll be off schedule and who's going to miss thedogs -"

"-You are," Lulubelle said.

Tinto appeared happy take this on the chin. He said, "But who is going to get completely fucked up about it?"

He winked at me again, like I was his favorite nephew.

There was a pause, and then Lulubelle yelled, to me this time, "He's only doing this to piss me off."