THE DOG HUNTERS (completed)

15 - PSYCHOTIC ATTRACTIONS

This strange intense lady who was so obviously into me also had glowing red hair she kept pulled back into the tightest braided ponytail I'd ever seen, so tight her forehead stretched back, pulling her eyebrows up. Or maybe she had Botox. Her body was curvy, the way the magazines prefer, but also quite muscular. Was she once a man? Was she still a man? What about my bullshit was working so well for her?

She always wore tight blue dresses (she didn't go for the hospital pjs and bathrobes like most of us) and these slippers – puffy brown things with smiling shit-face emoji on the toes. This meant she'd had time to pack. She was here voluntarily, clearly from the world beyond the gutter.

And she was interested in me, it was undeniable, and I wasn't used to that.

During morning meds, my second morning, she talked to me.

"You got a cigarette?" she asked, and then smiled. Her voice both brittle and dreamy. The humor appeared intentional. "You know,"she said, "They're trying to poison us. Just you watch. They're gonna have cheese for lunch."

For lunch we had pizza, thick doughy pizza with what could have been five different kinds of melted cheese. I saw her glaring at me several tables away. She looked profoundly sad. And knowing.

Then she sat next to me at the TV time. Now her expression was flat. I thought, they must have changed her meds, upped her dose, something like that.

"Ican tell you're kind," she said. "There's something about youlike I know you and I don't mean because you don't smoke and you sayall the right shit in the groups. That's why I keep looking at you,because you say everything so perfectly, and I really want to do thattoo so they'll stop trying to kill me."

Her gaze was slack, and her forehead seemed to glow, her eyes half-closed. Such a pretty lady, I dug that schoolmarm hair and those competitive body builder muscles. She sat as close to me as the two rubber chairs other would allow. I tried smelling her and got nothing, not even soap. It was impressive. I got a boner, and I just went with it. "It's the cheese, isn't it?" I said.

"You got it." She sounded relieved. "Nobody else gets it. That stuff,it doesn't digest, it just sits and rots in your stomach and you burp it up and you fart it out. It kills you, dude. I see people eating cheese, and I just want to die, and that's what they want me to do."

I got the feeling she really wanted to fuck me too. Something about cheese and death meant she needed to fuck me, somehow. But I was toofucked up on meds for anything exciting like that. Also, I didn't want to get caught or punished and blow the limited ride I had going.

"We have to get out of here," she said. "Can you take me with you?There's gotta be someway you can take me with you?"

"We could storm the gates, I guess." I wasn't sure what else to say.

I wanted to ask her why she thought she was trapped here if she washere voluntarily. But then I thought, maybe I'm wrong about everything. Again.

And then I started babbling, but not like in the groups: "The only other time I've been in a hospital like this was over on the Avenues,over by Ethnata Street. I don't know if you know that part of town.Lot of Mexicans. You know, they're tough, don't give much away.Anyway, if we were good they'd get a psych tech to give us a walkaround the place. It was during the winter when it wasn't too hot. So this one time we're walking, looking at the different cars in the different parking lots, and talking about nothing, and this kid, he had spiky blond hair and always wore this old-style biker jacket,this leather jacket that didn't really fit him right. He just took off. Split. They had this long driveway that took you onto Ethnata.There was a gate but it was always open. I don't know what this kid was thinking, unless he had a ride waiting for him. I think he was in there because he'd gone nuts on speed. Anyway, we all just watched him run off. The psych-tech leading us seemed kinda interested, but he didn't do nothing. I asked him why and he said it wasn't his job.Didn't make any sense to me. I don't know if he was fucking with me,or if he was gonna call someone or what. I mean what do you really know?"

"I love you," she said, staring at TV, staring at a news program airing a segment that appeared to be about hamsters and retarded children.

I knew it was true, and I knew that I loved her too.